Written while Drunk on Thoughts

15 Dec 2012

Replacing Old memories with New ones

It has been more than 2 months I've been here, the amount of freaking out is more than I've ever encountered for my entire life. I had been so laid back and carefree, I didnt know I'm capable of freaking out so much and so often. 

For starters, my studies. I know I had been doing things the right way and starting to get the hang of it. But I've also revisited a feeling that was kept behind closed door. I remembered how much it hurts and wouldn't want to go back again. Or more like I decided that I dont wanna feel like that again. The feelings are pretty vivid still. I messed up, get over it already. 

Talking to people helps, I felt so much better after telling my flatmate about it. Knowing she is not within my circle of friends and probably will never be. This makes me think that I may want a new circle of friends. Well, I came to realization that I live in this wonderful city in the world and I still can't got over a relationship that was so rotten that I find the need to cheat to get out of it. Its like a loop, I had to find a way out. And I look forward to the day where the control freaks get together. I wish them all the best.

For now, Im employing the positive attitude. I've gotten better though I still think I can be immature at time. Im still young, Im allowed to. But I definitely change abit, for the better. Losing weight gave me quite some perspective on myself. I start to like how I look again. And not to mention all those loose clothings, definitely a huge ego boost. 

All signs had told me to let go, I'm going to Paris for holiday and Soo suggested Amsterdam. The only 2 places I've visited with him. I didn't tell any of my cousins about these trips and somehow they seem to think its a good idea. I guess the universe is asking me to erase old memories and replace with new, better ones.

Well, memories are memories, good or bad, it makes you who you are today. I accepted that my chapter with him is over, possibly forever. I went through the grieving period and is all ready to accept whatever that comes next, hopefully in a form of french-speaking sexy piece of ass. 

I made a bet, to make myself look better and charm the pants off whoever that decided to pass me on. I'm getting cuter and hotter everyday. =)

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