Written while Drunk on Thoughts

29 Aug 2013

2 shades darker, none the wiser

Been basking myself in the beautiful and extremely hot Venetian sun at the birth place of Casanova. I took the great opportunity to wear pretty dresses that London weather did not allow me to. I think after months of not exposing myself to the sun does wonders to the skin. I tan really easy now and liking the new tan. I know lots of you doesn't really like long rambling post. I will let the pictures do the talking.
Photo credit to my personal photographer William (at least those with me in it).

Venice is always on my to go list but somehow I don't see myself going there as a young person. Perhaps its nicer to enjoy Venice is luxurious way rather than the budget way. Think hotel by St Mark's square or high end hotels with their own water way entrance. Food and water is so expensive that London pale in comparison.

That being said, even not with the correct companian, I really enjoy Venice and would love to go back when I could afford better. I hope you enjoy the pictures.

20 Aug 2013

Girl with a great soft jelly heart

Sorry for not updating regularly again! This past weeks had been stressful for me, physically and emotionally. =) Even though its not sorted completely yet, its getting better and I am looking forward to the day when it does.

In about a month's time, my great love interest is leaving London. I am sure I will be seeing her again because I have a great feeling that we are stuck with each other for a while. You are not going to escape me forever!!! 

Remember this? 

Source: instagram

I am leaving on a rather unconventional holiday today. The destination is typical, nothing too extraordinary. But the experience on the other hand, its not for the faint hearted. I am semi faint hearted, I struggle abit but I think in the end I will appreciate my effort.

Upon leaving, I received a message. It made me tear up. If someone were to tell me I would have all these a year ago, I would think they are bullshitting. But I suppose I should be more open to possibility. :) 

I found the love of my life. I found my maid of honor (no longer need to use sister as backup plan), I found my future kid's godmother, I found my soulmate. I never in a million years would think I will meet someone so compatible with me. So sincere and critical yet so supporting. 

Here's part of the message: 
"You keep telling me you are difficult and I doubt it. You are not. You are so easy to be with; you dont judge, u listen, you try to understand, u r not jealous, u are fun, u are caring, u r smart, u r honest, u can get serious and also silly with me and we communicate well.. we get each other.. Cant imagine life would be like without u because u r my soulmate to me.

She saw the me that I did not know exist.   Thanks for being with me and there for me. I will definitely need you in the future, to share my happiness and sorrow. I love you, Pretty Girl. 


17 Aug 2013

The city I love do love me back Part I

Why? Because of what I've experienced so far, I don't think any other city would be able to offer because no two cities would be able to do that. I count myself lucky that I am able to travel and explore different great cities but somehow, my heart always find it way back to London.

London is a city full of history. I used to love United States a lot, listing Los Angeles as my favourite city in the world. I dreamed of studying in the states because from what the entertainment culture has taught us, America is more exciting and Britain had passed their glory days.

Boy, I couldn't be more wrong. The pop culture that we were exposed to are just one-sided. Mainly because America are more successful in their marketing strategies and Malaysian TV favours the American entertainment as opposed to their British counterpart. Occasionally they will include a Brit in their shows / movies to spruce things up. Usually to be the villain of the story e.g. Dr Octavius (Alfred Molina) and not to mention the "guilty" clients in American TV series Suits.

Even with an interest on the States, I eventually settle on Great Britain for my tertiary studies. I must say that exposure and the experience does change my mind entirely. If I could describe Britain or rather London in one sentence, I would say that

NEW YORK is a younger version of LONDON. London has it all, the traditional and the interesting, young, hip culture all in the proximity of 1500km square. 
If you go to certain part of London, there is where all the gorgeous old buildings built hundreds and thousands years ago. But if you would walk 15 minutes either left, right, up or down, you might end up in a hip, young and upcoming neighbourhood, covered in interesting graffitis, waiting for you to discover and admire or even take a picture.

See what I meant? The past couple of weeks, I see myself walking around whole of London because my current tenancy will end in a couple of weeks and I am looking for a place to stay. Suffice to say that areas that I like is out of my price range and those that are, I don't like. But fret not, I found myself a new place, I wont be sleeping under any bridge any time soon.

The following 2 weeks will be a hectic couple of weeks for me. Having to juggle between school, social life and a visitor from homeland, not to mention putting off very emotional sessions with Pretty Girl and D. Please do forgive if I do not update as often.

12 Aug 2013

What do you want?

*I would like to apologise for not updating for a week. Its rare for me because I usually have a lot to tell and a lot to ramble.*

This past month had been surprisingly relaxing and fun but at the same time tough for me. I was hit pretty hard by reality. I was forced to face my own fears and really start thinking about what I wanted for myself in life. I had been putting that off, using school work as an excuse.

As everyone know, no matter what, sooner or later, one has to eventually face that "problem". I personally don't see that as problem, it is just life. Granted, its not as easy as choosing what to eat for dinner but once you are clear of what you want in life, it should be relatively easy.

But here comes the huge question: "WHAT DO YOU WANT IN LIFE?" No vague answers like: I want to be rich or I want to be famous. No one would say no to being rich.

If you are given a choice between:

1. staying in your favourite city and suffer through daily life, struggling to get used to the fact that life would be different and extremely difficult or go home and lead a relatively easy and relaxed life.

2. staying in your favourite city and be alone or go home to have the life you had planned with your someone special

3. a guy that loves you very much but is not right for you or a guy that you love but he doesn't reciprocate

4. To pursue what you love while living hand to mouth or continuing to do what you are good at but doesn't like while living comfortably

Its not that easy to answer ain't it? Sure, its easy to say of course I would chose to stay in the city I love, but comes the difficulties, you might want to give up. Its not difficult to choose a guy that loves you more thinking you might eventually get used to him or love him. But would it really happen? How about staying in your favourite city and leave your loved one, would you guarantee the city you love so much who be kind to you and love you back?

I recently met a guy, lets not be quick to conclude yet. Yes, I like him and he likes me. He came from a different background, a rather privileged (I mean who gets to travel 6000 miles to another country and grow up as an expat kid? Guys, all the stories about how they behaved is all true. We are much better.) one at that but there's a twist in his life and he had to work hard for what he wants since then.

What I like about him the most? He makes me think and feel. All my problems seems trivial in contrast. I learnt that most of the time, I myself created the problem. His existence forces me to feel, sometimes to the point where I thought I would explode. I didn't know that I could feel this much. No, its not the feeling of love. Rather its the feeling that I am more capable than I thought. If things doesn't turn out the way I wanted it to, its not the end of the world. Most of the time we just have to experienced it, learn from it and move on.

That being said, even though I am much more honest with myself, I still have no idea what I want in life. If you had already established what you want in life, think long and hard, is that really what you wanted or because there is where life brought you? If you haven't, join the club, so do I.

3 Aug 2013

Insanity dies down

Because normal is back. But I doubt things will be normal from now on. Pretty Girl abandoned me for more than a month, leaving me empty, timetable wise and socially. She was the distraction to my thesis writing. I was initially glad that she left and I gained some time to produce a worthy dissertation. Little did I know that slightly more than 2 weeks after she left (and a lot of time and boredom later), I met someone that occupied my time even more - Alcohol. Well, its not only alcohol, but the people that I met and bonded over it.

In all honesty, I love it. No, I am not an alcoholic but rather I told myself I am trying new things and this is exactly the new things that I wanted to try. Even though it is sometimes a tad overwhelming and tiring for me, I am enjoying this new "routine" very much. The weather is treating London really good, it had been sunny for the past month. Everyone is in the best mood that they could ever be. This makes is really easy to meet new people.

I kept telling and reminding myself that if all of these ends now, I might be sad but I learnt a lot about myself in this one month than I did for the past year. I let go the past and truly live in the present without worrying too much about the future. I learnt that the strongest a person could be is not to hold on to things that don't belong to them, rather is to know when to let go when its time. Though sad things happened, I am still glad that I went through the entire experience and memories. Good or bad memories are still memories. I learnt that material is not everything, what matters is the way of life. I also learnt that I had a good life protected by my family and that dreams does come true (Reminder to everyone that might have been disappointed in the past, never stop dreaming).

On the other hand, something good have to come to an end. At some point, people leave and go separate ways. The only thing that matters is that you find a way not to drift apart. Being separated by countries and oceans feels closer than being separated emotionally. One of my first friend in London is leaving London for good. I feel sad that it would be a while before I could see her but at the same time I am happy that she got what she wants and she is happy. I suppose this is part of life.

As I am finishing my studies soon, I am embarking on the new part of journey yet again. Wish me luck!

Life is just like a rose, it has its thorns but at the same time it has the beautiful, gorgeous bloom that one could ever seen. There will always be ups and downs in life. The "downs" are there to remind us of how much we should appreciate the "ups". So, go and live your life to the fullest.