Written while Drunk on Thoughts

31 Jul 2013

All it takes is the first move

Go back about 10 months ago, freshly out of work, with a rather mixed feeling and emotions, I once again embarked on a journey to the UK. With a determined heart and mind, I promised myself a different experience this time round. I did managed to tick all most of what I promised myself along with a few surprises.

Today is the day Ipek go home for good. She is the first person I talked to after arriving in the UK. First person from the same course. It started the same way I met my former roommate, Alex, 6 years ago from my undergraduate degree and had remained friends since then.

We went through the same ups and downs while doing our course. We had similar working experience background and pretty much stuck with each other throughout the year, giving each other support and help. Although we did not get close after the first semester, I still enjoyed the time we had with each other. I introduced her to weird Chinese food and spicy Korean food. She brought me to Turkish restaurants and had been my companion pretty much through the year.

Here's a few experiences that we shared together, started when the weather is crazy cold to summer, when the weather is snuggly warm. We spent Valentine's day together, we cooked for each other. She bravely tried all kinds of food I recommended and put up with me being late to our dates. I get to meet her lovely mother and get the occasional warm greetings from her family through her.

I thoroughly enjoyed the time we spent together and hope she did too. I still could not believe that she went home for good and the only means of communication is via whatsapp and instagram, hopefully everything will be a breeze for her from now on and she is living the dream she dreamed of. She will be missed and I am now looking forward to see her again during December and her future wedding (my excuse to visit Turkey - its a very valid reason isn't it?).

Ipek, I wish you all the best, you had been a good friend and great companion, I am very lucky to have met you. All it takes is the first hi and I've made a (hopefully) lifelong friend.

25 Jul 2013

Ink revisit

Piercings and tattoos are always my forte, whilst I am not old enough to have a tattoo at the age of 15, I certainly am old enough for piercings, I started having my first 2 piercing at the age of 12 and only stopped at about 17 / 18. I have a total of 6 piercings and countless hours of pain I had to endure with me.

Tattoo was always at the back of my mind, while my mother would murder me for a tattoo, I told my dad that someday I will definitely have a tattoo. His only advice?
'Just make sure its not a boy's name, not even your husband.'
I was 17, boy seems more appropriate.

Carrying the thought with me everywhere I go, looking for inspiration either in the real world or online. I never seem to get it correct because the word forever is always come together with tattoo.

Prior to 29th October 2011, with a rather shattered life, I decided that its time to have a tattoo for real because as dramatic as it seems, the pain in the heart triumphs the pain on the body.

I chose the word "Believe" to remind me that no matter how bad things turned out to be, I had to believe that things are going to get better from there. Cliché, I know.

Of course there is also a saying that once you have your first tattoo, you never really stop at just ONE. True enough, the idea of having another tattoo creeps into my mind not long after. But again, with no inspiration and no idea, nothing was done.

One fine day, while minding my own business, I had a meaningful thought. I knew that instance what I want on me for the rest of my life and set to research on the matter. I spent the entire night researching for fonts and sizes. The very next day, Pretty Girl accompanied me to look for tattoo studio that would suit my budget. I think this whole experience traumatised her slightly as tattoo studio are never really friendly. It always comes with the mysterious and overwhelming feeling whenever you get in. But this particular studio, Evil from the Needle, in Camden, never quite have the same feeling. I would say tattoo studios in London, even Camden, is way better than the one I got my first tattoo. Perhaps its due to the very strict law.

Not only because Camden is the tattoo central in London, it was an absolute dream to get a tattoo in London, well, not exactly to mark the occasion as there is no occasion to mark and the decision was spontaneous.

While being tattooed, I texted my friend, ya, I was bored. But the sensation of being tattooed, vibration about 10000 times per second pressing against the side of the body, especially if you are skinny like me *hint hint* is so weird yet wonderful. The feeling is like someone took hold of my ribcage and vibrate 10000 times per second and the entire upper body went numb.

The pain factor? Well, its slightly more painful that the tattoo on the wrist, not to mention the vibrating sensation. There are certain part that hurts more, especially the part towards the front of the body. My favourite part of having a tattoo is the look of the tattoo immediately after your get it done, your flesh swell up, outlining the word and it stays on for a day or two. So, its like having a 3D tattoo.

And the not so fun part is the tattooed area's feeling after the tattoo. I felt like I got punched in the rib and sore like a bruise but other than that, I am absolutely loving my new tattoo and is pretty sure I will not stop there.

22 Jul 2013


I recently celebrated my 24th birthday, I just got around to accept me being 21 and bam! I am 24. Time is so cruel. From now on, if anyone ask, I am 18. Forever.

Anyway, this year was ordinary yet extraordinary. It started out somewhat normal because I have to hand in my dissertation final draft. And in all glory, procrastination is being the most productive. However, due to the obscenely hot weather, I had minimal sleep, waking up every couple of hours, wiping off sweat from my forehead, trying extremely hard not to peel off every single thread from me and sleep stark naked in front of the open window. During those sleepless morning, I somehow find myself being useful, working on the dissertation little by little. At least the heat served its purpose.

Cousin was here in London and as she will be here until morning of 19 July, we had an early celebration.

Pretty standard, a dinner with a present that I wasn't expecting. Honestly, she being here is a present enough.

Miraculously, I somehow managed to complete 95% of the dissertation by 19th July as promised. So, with still more than 24 hours left for the dissertation deadline, the celebration begins. I started out lying under the sun for a good 20 minutes after a revisit to childhood times, climbing up scary looking trampoline and conquered a 2-stories high rocket-shaped playground equipment. In fact, it wasn't a revisit, it was a successful first attempt.

It follows with aimless walks before getting home to get ready for the night. Coincidentally, the colours of our outfit matched. Its black and white, its hardly a coincident. I headed to a gay pub near King's Cross. Having not been to a gay pub, I was fed alcohol well before then. Safe to say, after half a pint of Guinness, I was wiped. But somehow, I still managed to played the best game of pool in my life, having previously played twice. I managed beat someone who had been playing for the past 20 years of his life.

Hugs and kisses were flying all over the entire night, I admit I might be a tad too friendly, it scares someone a little. I stayed for 15 minutes of a wonderful cabaret by Dolly Diamond and probably got pissed at for leaving half way through. But with a zero tolerance to alcohol, its best not to make a mess. Its suffice to say that I went straight home and fell asleep.

I woke up 6 hours later with no hangover watsoever, I continue to finish the 5% of my dissertation. By 10, I finished and submitted, ready to enjoy another day of celebration. Things went pretty slow within the first half of the day. I laze around, talking shit and emptying my wallet with the occasionally calls from the family to wish me Happy Birthday. Determined to make my birthday somewhat interesting, my friend told me off for doing such mundane task on my birthday and dragged me to the pub for drinks and a game of pool. After the trauma of the previous night, I decided to stay clear from alcohol and start with diet pepsi. The game of pool sucked. I was horrible. With the theory that I should be tipsy to be good in playing pool, I ordered Courvoisier with a splash of coke. First glass went down well, I got better in playing pool. Then come the next glass, game of pool improved but I didn't. I went into the tipsy stage and got really hungry.

The only meal I had on my birthday and eating like a hobo. Disgraceful.

Not hard to guess what colour balls is mine. 

We stopped by Tesco, got a bottle of sparkling wine and a can of Pringles and head home. It doesn't take a genius to guess what I did next. I went face flat on my bed and slept the night away. The weather was kind to me, I slept with no interruption for 10 hours and woke up feeling extremely good.

With only a handful of people wishing my Happy Birthday and in grand total I received 1 present from my cousin, 1 "sort of" present from a friend and 1 card from a very good friend. But this is by far the most memorable birthday ever. I had my first gay pub experience, I got drunk and really happy and I had 2 days worth of celebration (its still on going). It was nothing like the first time I celebrated in London and I am quite sure that no future birthday will beat this routine yet spontaneous birthday. Not to mention, I met someone new that share the same birthday. I hereby declare that I am a firm believer that anything can happen, planned or not.

To all that wished me Happy Birthday, I thank you sincerely. To those that made an effort, I love you. To all that doesn't, its alright, I am not good with birthdays too.

Now, I just need a decent piece of cake and I will officially end the celebration for good, until next year at least.

19 Jul 2013


Turning 24 in a day's time. Rushing for my dissertation draft, locking myself up until I finish the draft before the deadline to have some fun the night before the day. In view of turning a year older, I decided to talk a bit about me.

I was raised a rather organised person. I still am organised but only if I have to be. Cousin was right, the older you get, the less you freak out about matters that had yet to be done. Not a very desirable attribute I know.

As most of you know that things hasn't been so well for me for a while now. I am a hopeless romantic that gave up on love. Trying to dive in work doesn't really help because somehow the lingering feeling will always be there. I am sure a lot of you will get what I meant. But recently, I've met people that taught me that there is more to life. More to the problems I am having now. To some extent, I started picking up drinking (only slightly) but the entire experience make me view life in another perspective (under influence perhaps).

I am still demanding, I am still rather controlling. I still know what I don't want but I know what I want more clearly now. I care about what people thinks much less and try very much to live in this very moment rather than looking into an uncertain future. I still loathe uncertainty though.

So, I picked myself up for good and brushed myself off and do things I had been avoiding for a while now. Getting rid of people and matters that had not been helping my self-esteem and regain strength that to do things I had previously not. Not cool I know. Perhaps to a lot of you, it wasn't such a big deal but to me, it was. My heart churns(?) every single time I see things that I am not prepared to see. Now, I don't give much of a thought when I see those things. So I went ahead and wish the former boyfriend Happy Birthday, I accepted friend request from people that I previously hoped that I would never have see for the rest of my life.

I would like to pat myself on the head for unlocking another achievement in life. Take in what's positive and don't give a damn about whats negative. Thats what life should be no?

17 Jul 2013


July is always a good month. Its right in the middle of summer - good weather, happy people. Its right in the middle of the year. Its my birthday month. Its full of surprises. Good things happen during July.

I got a surprise from cousin. I met someone awesome. I got on impromptu trip. I received good news. I found my drink and most importantly, I found myself.

After 4 years in UK, I decided to visit Brighton and get it out of the way. I know i know, its a very good opportunity to travel but though Brighton is famed for the sea, its less impressive than the one I've visited at Greece. Well, Penang beaches are prettier. 

Then again, I've never been to Brighton, I would never missed an opportunity. Anyway, I hope the pictures could illustrate the entire experience better than me. 

I would say that although Brighton is a beautiful city, it didnt really amaze me. The Pavillion looks odd with a Mosque-lookalike exterior with a Chinese inspired interior (no photography allowed in there), to me its too much of everything and it looks wrong. 

Anyhow, the day is still gorgeous and people are friendly. I wouldn't go back to Brighton again but the English seaside charm is worth a short visit. 

14 Jul 2013


He is everything that you loathe. Everything you deemed negative, everything that you don't approve that of me, everything you tried to prevent, everything that you think that is more inferior than you. Well, I am now everything you dislike, everything you do not approve off and hanging out with people you would not have know due to the choices of friends you make.

But I am happier now, I felt free and relieved. I no longer have to care about what you would think and whether you would judge if I act a certain way. My friends are no less than what you are despite their habits. In fact, they are the greatest people I knew, they don't judge, they are just there to be my friends. These are the friends I needed and these are the friends I wanted.

If I appear to be reminiscing about our past, I can tell you that mistake is a huge blessing in disguise. Not only I found my true calling, you might have found the one person you would approve of and not constantly trying to make me into your ideal partner.

Things with him may seem bad from every single perspective you see in. But trust me, just because he enjoys those activities, it doesn't mean he is a horrible person mixing a recipe of disaster. Just like having a tattoo doesn't change a person from good to bad. Give him time, he will grow and decide for himself. I witnessed some pretty great examples, things always turns out ok. =)

11 Jul 2013

July - the month I am turning a year older

In 9 days time, I will be turning 24. I haven't really manage to get the fact that I am turning 20 in my head just right and I am now turning 24. I have to stop lying to myself and own it up that I am not that young anymore and it did scare me a little thinking about the uncertain future.

Anyway, this year would be less eventful as I might be spending it by myself in London. 3 years ago, I spent my 21st birthday at the Natural History Museum and mostly on the tube getting squashed going to and back from the airport, sending my father and brother home after a short holiday. Then I proceeded to spend the rest of the day with my mother where we went to Kensington High Street for dinner. It wasn't that much special but the fact that its the first time I get to spend my birthday at a foreign land intrigued me.

This year will be the second time I spend my birthday in London, not for the same reason and I have to submit my dissertation draft on that day itself. Friends aren't in the city to celebrate and I won't be going home for summer as usual. As I grow older, birthday did not seem like a big deal. Granted, I am not the kind of person that denies my own birthday and age, nor will I ever make a big deal out of it. I celebrated my birthday once in my life time, my parents threw me a party and that was the end of it. But presents are always always welcome. =)

Recent few years' celebration were usually merged with my mother's birthday (hers was on the 19th July - just a day before mine), we usually go for dinner on her birthday but claims that its for the both of us. Really, its on her birthday, so its for her. Not that I really mind, but I suppose someone that had celebrated more than half a century's birthday should give it to one that have yet pass a quarter of century?

As I thought things would be the same, my cousin gave me a surprise by appearing in London out of no where. She text me early in the morning to tell me she has a surprise, I thought she's planning to come to London. Boy am I wrong, she is already in London. This sparked a few impromptu meals and sleepover as well as a mini trip.

I apologise for a filler post, days had been uneventful filled with late night sleep, late wake up time, time in the park (there is only so much you could see in the park). Ending here with my early birthday surprise.

Sorry I had to - my arms look so slim here. *Pat self on head* - good job me, you got what you wanted.

5 Jul 2013


Spent most of my days in the park and pub. So, park during the day, pub during the night. Weather had improved considerably and I caught the "cheery bug" that comes with the sun, everyone is so happy and in a good mood all the time. But to be honest, tell me you are not happy when you see this:

Or this 

Or this 

I am not going to lie, Victoria Park is gorgeous. So are the topless hunks, not the Billabong/Abercrombie & Fitch hunks. Real hunks without six-packs that are so sharp that could slice ham. And handsome joggers and sexy sunbathers. Well, its endless and free fun. 

I am getting off the phone before I am accused of being anti-social again. Malaysians, love the sun. 

1 Jul 2013

Stockholm Syndrome

Travel break

During my Easter break, I decided to visit Copenhagen for a couple of days and it seems wrong not to go to either Sweden or Norway. I like going to a few countries at a time due to distance and transportation reason. So, I decided to go to Stockholm without knowing much about what is Sweden famous for (except blondes maybe? But that is irrelevant).

Well, once again, I proved myself wrong by getting out of my way to do things that I don't feel like or rather to go places that I don't feel like. Copenhagen is the main destination and Stockholm is just because its near-ish (5 hours train ride). I fell in love with Stockholm there and then. I found my favourite place on earth 5 years back when I visited Amsterdam but I changed my mind after a trip to Stockholm.

Things I've learnt from the trip: I love Scandinavian designs - simple, clean and to the point. See Acne, & Other Stories. I fell in love with Danish and Swedish musicians - Agnes Obel, First Aid Kit. Swedes are so friendly. While I have to admit they lack the Asian character that many of my friends find charming, they make up for it with their friendliness and warmth.

Favourite place in Stockholm: Gamla Stan (The Old Town), connected by a bridge straight on to the main shopping street - Södermalm's, streets are cobbled and narrow, slightly above sea level which allows you to admire the town with the sea as a background.

Stadshuset where all the intelligence are being awarded.