Written while Drunk on Thoughts

30 Dec 2013


Graduation is a ceremony that marks the academic achievement - kindergarten (yes, I had a graduation for completing 2 hours of nap per day and finger painting), primary school, high school, university. In life, I had 3 proper graduations - kindergarten and twice during university.

My graduation this time round is on a really special date 11/12/13 and its not only the date that is special. It was quite a day. I started off not wanting to attend because I just don't feel like it. I had done the ceremony 3 years ago and despite my effort, my dad could not be here to see me shake hands and smile for the second time. In the moment of sadness, I burst out crying and was trying to convince my brother to go on my behalf.

After calming down and being talked into doing it by my friends, I decided to put on a brave face and my Dr Martens and just go for it. While I was complaining about looking completely ridiculous in the oversize gown (I am petite), I got a phone call from Pretty Girl. When we hugged, it feels like she never left. If its possible, it feels like the hug was 3 months long, we started hugging on 10/9/13 and had just let go 11/12/13.

Then familiar faces just kept popping up, I saw my former classmates one by one. I had never kissed so many faces in my life before. I must say I like the face kissing greetings. Malaysians beware! I am starting a new tradition. Its not long before Ipek showed up. In the midst of chaos, I took 5 minutes to see D. It took me 2 seconds to spot him but he was struggling to find me in the sea of robes. As he put it "Its like Hogwarts, everyone is dressed in robes" and I suppose being a Chinese in a sea of Chinese dressed in the same robe doesn't make his job easy (find Waldo?).

Picture stole from Ipek. =)

But when we finally do, both of us took a look at each other and burst of laughing. I looked like I was swallowed by a pile of black textile and he looked like he had a fan permanently in front of him blowing wind into his face like in a photoshoot. Anyone that knows him know he is known for his crazy curly hair. Imagine when his sister told me we had to put on silly headgear for Christmas and said Dom had it covered with his hair. At least he made an effort and I appreciate that alot.

Someone stole my mortarboard after we took the mandatory hat in the air shot and I was stucked with an oversized one.

Ceremony was mundane and frankly, rushing. Be that as it may, I still managed to tear up when the Principal said "now the graduates please stand up, face your family and friends, thank them for their support." I wished my father could be there again to witness it. All the time during the ceremony, all I could think of is "whats next? the next time I feel like that might be my wedding. I will savour this feeling while I can."

The ceremony followed by lots of hugging, kissing and photo taking. I felt like a celebrity and is secretly glad that I decided to be there. I would kick myself so much if I missed that. That following night was a nice staying in slumber party for 2. Pretty Girl and I stayed in the same hotel and with the Tequila I bought from Spain and some fruit juices, I went to her room and became the amateur bartender and whipped up some sub-standard cocktail for us to sip whilst talking about life and love.

She got me a gift, I got her a gift. Whilst mine is just a souvenir from Spain, she gave me a lipstick with the name Rouge IN LOVE. Reason? She said she wants me to be in love. Nuff said, she just got up my VIP list.

In a way, this graduation not only serve as a celebration for our achievement, it was a reunion, closure and reminder of how good things could turn out to be when life throws you a curve ball. I found inner peace with sad memories and grew up, I gained so many friends along the way, I experienced things I always wanted to and I met the funnest people that I ever met. I didn't only graduate from my master programme but I graduated from the old me and for that I am happy and darn proud of myself.

27 Dec 2013

Ghosts of Christmas past, present and future

A painful Christmas 
2 years ago (2011), a group of friends and I decided to have a road trip for Christmas. I thought a road trip is something I needed after a tough month before. The trip proved to be painful. It was a trip down memory lane where reconciliation and reunion was the intended purpose. But when the trip involved the ex boyfriend that I broked up with just 2 months before, reunion is the last thing in mind.

A silent Christmas
Last year, I spent Christmas alone in my flat, with flatmate all gone home or elsewhere, it was a silent silent day and night. I have just got home from Paris 2 days before Christmas 2012, so a quiet resting day is very much a bliss.

I am always indifferent to Christmas, I am not Christian and our family never celebrate Christmas, we only started to go for simple meals a few years back and I only started getting present when I have boyfriends to spoil me with them. Christmas is always wrong with the "wrong" temperature with the "wrong" feeling. I suppose if Christmas at the Southern Hemisphere was advertised as much instead, I would feel better. But unfortunately it was the opposite that is on all Christmas cards, Christmas movies and Christmas songs. Being in a cold country during Christmas somehow gave me comfort that I am in the "correct" temperature with the "correct" feeling.

And within 2 years, I managed to convince myself Christmas time is not a good time. It may be a time of joy and giving but since 2 years ago, I had been feeling "wrongly". So, its suffice to say I never really like Christmas for what it is. I like the presents and the boxing day sale though.

A traditional Christmas
This year I was invited to a traditional English Christmas. I don't know what to expect because I never been to one before, not even one with a Christian family back home, let alone an English family. Its slightly overwhelming for me and even more so when a not very homely person like me is going to spend time with HIS family during this festive time of the year and I have nothing Christmassy except a snowflake necklace to wear, even that wasn't Christmas specific (his mum came to rescue by getting me antlers to put on).

It goes without saying that it turned out to be all good (lots of champagne, chocolate and food), I felt welcomed and had a great time and what's best is I received presents from him and his family, even the little baby. Although this is not much of a cultural shock to me, I still feel awkward to rip my presents' wrapping paper apart in front of the gifters. But seeing how happy everyone is opening presents and a young, new mother being like a kid makes me feel all warm inside and much less awkward.

The best present of all is I got to witness how it is like to celebrate Christmas in the most traditional way, eat a proper Christmas meal lovingly prepared by the BIL, witnessed how loving and caring someone like him can be and 2 for-you-when-you-wear-your-leather-jacket necklaces . It absolutely changes my perspective about having my own family. Maybe I am a true Cancer after all. That or maybe I am growing old and maternal instinct are kicking in.

Ending this post with a picture of me being a very believable reindeer.

In the span of 3 years, I had 3 very different Christmases but needless to say, this year I had a great, if not the best, Christmas with good company, good meal and good news. I hope everyone's Christmas was as good as mine. Here is to wishing the start of many great Christmases to come, may my future Christmases be as good as this one if not even better!

22 Dec 2013


is not a destination, its not a journey. Its a state of mind when you are taking the journey. Regardless of reaching the intended destination or a destination that wasn't planned, happiness should always be with us no matter what life throw at us.

I always thought I wasn't happy because I kept too much negativity in me. I took responsibility in everything bad that happened to me and despite all the effort, I never let it go. I blamed and find fault with myself for things that is beyond my control, sulk and cried over it. While it is completely acceptable to do so, I never seem to complete the final phase, that is to let it go.

Even at the "tender" age of 24, I was carrying around a lot of those with me and it had started to affect my life. It was like carrying around bags full of rocks or the psychological professional term - emotional baggage. I never believe that life could be beautiful and I kept worrying about what would happen next rather than living the moment. I used to think I would finally be happy when I finally got over the ex boyfriend and met a new guy. I did met a new guy and was happy for 2 seconds before I started worrying again. Naturally, this doesn't make me happy.

I love the thrill and feel someone gets when they first met someone new and is still learning about each other. Or put it frankly, when the man is going after the woman and basically everything the woman does is cute, sexy or desirable. I kept chasing after this feeling because I thought it would make me happy. Yes, it did make me happy, for another 2 seconds and I have to move on. Eventually it caught up with me and I was where I started again.

After going through that cycle a few times in the past few months, I sank to a new low and I am glad I did. Its like a light bulb that went off in my mind and my heart. I am allowed to feel what I am feeling but I have to do it with care. No one in this world is responsible for how I feel except me. I stopped feeling sorry for myself, picked myself up, dust myself off and went to the airport to pick up my mum and brother, who were here to celebrate my achievement with me.

This is the beginning of the best 2 weeks I had in a while and I couldn't have done it without my family, my dear dear friends and a new perception in happiness.

"As long as I am with you, I don't care where I am."

Today (22 December) is the birthday of someone that gave me a hard lesson on owning up to my own happiness, someone that had only read ONE blog post and proceed to laugh at me for being a cute nerd and also the only person that said "As long as I am with you, I don't care where I am." Without him, I would still be trapped in a bubble I created. Before the clock (GMT) strikes midnight 23 December, once again, Happy Birthday Curly.

21 Dec 2013

Gaudi and his colours

Barcelona, what came to mind? Paella. Sagrada Família. Gaudi. To me, probably just Paella. Don't judge. I have a facebook photo album dedicated to gluttony. I've decided to travel to Barcelona for a short trip because of a several reasons. For starters, I never been to Spain and my mother prefer a milder and temperate weather than chilly Cologne and of course, the cheaper plane ticket make decisions making a no-brainer.

The trip was originally scheduled and planned for four persons - Parents, brother and me. But sadly, it was only 3 of us when Dad couldn't make it. Which also mean the trip basically falls on my shoulder. I don't like the idea of it because I wanted a getaway, not to organise a trip that cater to the taste of a rather unadventurous human being. So, I drown myself in dishes and dishes of Paella. That might be a tad exaggerating.

But if asked whether I enjoyed the trip, yes I did. I never been to Spain, everything is new to me. =) And the colours! Colours everywhere. Except me, which have a suitcase full of black clothes.

I must say going on a trip with your mother and a brother that refused to believe the cute waiter at the restaurant bought you a glass of wine just because he wants to takes the fun out a little. But all in all, with all the colours, the perfect winter - sun + cold, I must say I am loving Barcelona a lot.

19 Dec 2013

Everything had to come to an end

Sorry, I had been on a roller coaster for the past 3 weeks.... I went from sad to happy to very sad to happy then to annoyed, all in one short 3 weeks time.

Needless to say, I was either too sad or enjoying myself too much to have the time to blog. That and also I didn't want to bored people with the same old cycle of my daily routine. Then on the 5th December 2013, my family and friends arrived from different parts of the world and break the routine.

From today onwards, I will be sharing and recording all those moments in my blog. It was the happiest time I had in a while, I hope you will all enjoy it.

Its the festive season, Merry Christmas! I had a lot of fun the past three weeks and had an epiphany. Bonne Année, Bonne Santé!!!!

2 Dec 2013

Just cause


本人很在意曾经拥有,因为人是善变的动物,本人就是一个活生生的例子 -贪新忘旧。也因为如此伤了不少人,伤了自己。我因改变了环境而喜欢上了一个人,却忘了正在等待自己的那个他。就算环境依旧,还是因为贪玩而和不该熟的人搭上了。