Written while Drunk on Thoughts

27 Dec 2013

Ghosts of Christmas past, present and future

A painful Christmas 
2 years ago (2011), a group of friends and I decided to have a road trip for Christmas. I thought a road trip is something I needed after a tough month before. The trip proved to be painful. It was a trip down memory lane where reconciliation and reunion was the intended purpose. But when the trip involved the ex boyfriend that I broked up with just 2 months before, reunion is the last thing in mind.

A silent Christmas
Last year, I spent Christmas alone in my flat, with flatmate all gone home or elsewhere, it was a silent silent day and night. I have just got home from Paris 2 days before Christmas 2012, so a quiet resting day is very much a bliss.

I am always indifferent to Christmas, I am not Christian and our family never celebrate Christmas, we only started to go for simple meals a few years back and I only started getting present when I have boyfriends to spoil me with them. Christmas is always wrong with the "wrong" temperature with the "wrong" feeling. I suppose if Christmas at the Southern Hemisphere was advertised as much instead, I would feel better. But unfortunately it was the opposite that is on all Christmas cards, Christmas movies and Christmas songs. Being in a cold country during Christmas somehow gave me comfort that I am in the "correct" temperature with the "correct" feeling.

And within 2 years, I managed to convince myself Christmas time is not a good time. It may be a time of joy and giving but since 2 years ago, I had been feeling "wrongly". So, its suffice to say I never really like Christmas for what it is. I like the presents and the boxing day sale though.

A traditional Christmas
This year I was invited to a traditional English Christmas. I don't know what to expect because I never been to one before, not even one with a Christian family back home, let alone an English family. Its slightly overwhelming for me and even more so when a not very homely person like me is going to spend time with HIS family during this festive time of the year and I have nothing Christmassy except a snowflake necklace to wear, even that wasn't Christmas specific (his mum came to rescue by getting me antlers to put on).

It goes without saying that it turned out to be all good (lots of champagne, chocolate and food), I felt welcomed and had a great time and what's best is I received presents from him and his family, even the little baby. Although this is not much of a cultural shock to me, I still feel awkward to rip my presents' wrapping paper apart in front of the gifters. But seeing how happy everyone is opening presents and a young, new mother being like a kid makes me feel all warm inside and much less awkward.

The best present of all is I got to witness how it is like to celebrate Christmas in the most traditional way, eat a proper Christmas meal lovingly prepared by the BIL, witnessed how loving and caring someone like him can be and 2 for-you-when-you-wear-your-leather-jacket necklaces . It absolutely changes my perspective about having my own family. Maybe I am a true Cancer after all. That or maybe I am growing old and maternal instinct are kicking in.

Ending this post with a picture of me being a very believable reindeer.

In the span of 3 years, I had 3 very different Christmases but needless to say, this year I had a great, if not the best, Christmas with good company, good meal and good news. I hope everyone's Christmas was as good as mine. Here is to wishing the start of many great Christmases to come, may my future Christmases be as good as this one if not even better!

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