Written while Drunk on Thoughts

22 Dec 2013


is not a destination, its not a journey. Its a state of mind when you are taking the journey. Regardless of reaching the intended destination or a destination that wasn't planned, happiness should always be with us no matter what life throw at us.

I always thought I wasn't happy because I kept too much negativity in me. I took responsibility in everything bad that happened to me and despite all the effort, I never let it go. I blamed and find fault with myself for things that is beyond my control, sulk and cried over it. While it is completely acceptable to do so, I never seem to complete the final phase, that is to let it go.

Even at the "tender" age of 24, I was carrying around a lot of those with me and it had started to affect my life. It was like carrying around bags full of rocks or the psychological professional term - emotional baggage. I never believe that life could be beautiful and I kept worrying about what would happen next rather than living the moment. I used to think I would finally be happy when I finally got over the ex boyfriend and met a new guy. I did met a new guy and was happy for 2 seconds before I started worrying again. Naturally, this doesn't make me happy.

I love the thrill and feel someone gets when they first met someone new and is still learning about each other. Or put it frankly, when the man is going after the woman and basically everything the woman does is cute, sexy or desirable. I kept chasing after this feeling because I thought it would make me happy. Yes, it did make me happy, for another 2 seconds and I have to move on. Eventually it caught up with me and I was where I started again.

After going through that cycle a few times in the past few months, I sank to a new low and I am glad I did. Its like a light bulb that went off in my mind and my heart. I am allowed to feel what I am feeling but I have to do it with care. No one in this world is responsible for how I feel except me. I stopped feeling sorry for myself, picked myself up, dust myself off and went to the airport to pick up my mum and brother, who were here to celebrate my achievement with me.

This is the beginning of the best 2 weeks I had in a while and I couldn't have done it without my family, my dear dear friends and a new perception in happiness.

"As long as I am with you, I don't care where I am."

Today (22 December) is the birthday of someone that gave me a hard lesson on owning up to my own happiness, someone that had only read ONE blog post and proceed to laugh at me for being a cute nerd and also the only person that said "As long as I am with you, I don't care where I am." Without him, I would still be trapped in a bubble I created. Before the clock (GMT) strikes midnight 23 December, once again, Happy Birthday Curly.

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