Written while Drunk on Thoughts

12 Aug 2013

What do you want?

*I would like to apologise for not updating for a week. Its rare for me because I usually have a lot to tell and a lot to ramble.*

This past month had been surprisingly relaxing and fun but at the same time tough for me. I was hit pretty hard by reality. I was forced to face my own fears and really start thinking about what I wanted for myself in life. I had been putting that off, using school work as an excuse.

As everyone know, no matter what, sooner or later, one has to eventually face that "problem". I personally don't see that as problem, it is just life. Granted, its not as easy as choosing what to eat for dinner but once you are clear of what you want in life, it should be relatively easy.

But here comes the huge question: "WHAT DO YOU WANT IN LIFE?" No vague answers like: I want to be rich or I want to be famous. No one would say no to being rich.

If you are given a choice between:

1. staying in your favourite city and suffer through daily life, struggling to get used to the fact that life would be different and extremely difficult or go home and lead a relatively easy and relaxed life.

2. staying in your favourite city and be alone or go home to have the life you had planned with your someone special

3. a guy that loves you very much but is not right for you or a guy that you love but he doesn't reciprocate

4. To pursue what you love while living hand to mouth or continuing to do what you are good at but doesn't like while living comfortably

Its not that easy to answer ain't it? Sure, its easy to say of course I would chose to stay in the city I love, but comes the difficulties, you might want to give up. Its not difficult to choose a guy that loves you more thinking you might eventually get used to him or love him. But would it really happen? How about staying in your favourite city and leave your loved one, would you guarantee the city you love so much who be kind to you and love you back?

I recently met a guy, lets not be quick to conclude yet. Yes, I like him and he likes me. He came from a different background, a rather privileged (I mean who gets to travel 6000 miles to another country and grow up as an expat kid? Guys, all the stories about how they behaved is all true. We are much better.) one at that but there's a twist in his life and he had to work hard for what he wants since then.

What I like about him the most? He makes me think and feel. All my problems seems trivial in contrast. I learnt that most of the time, I myself created the problem. His existence forces me to feel, sometimes to the point where I thought I would explode. I didn't know that I could feel this much. No, its not the feeling of love. Rather its the feeling that I am more capable than I thought. If things doesn't turn out the way I wanted it to, its not the end of the world. Most of the time we just have to experienced it, learn from it and move on.

That being said, even though I am much more honest with myself, I still have no idea what I want in life. If you had already established what you want in life, think long and hard, is that really what you wanted or because there is where life brought you? If you haven't, join the club, so do I.

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