Written while Drunk on Thoughts

13 Dec 2012

Day 4 and counting

I moved this post from my private blog but I do like what I wrote, so this is what happened 4 months ago.

Its Day 4 (dated 31st August 2012) since meeting my personal self-esteem booster in a form of a very cute German guy, I have been thinking about him since then. He is a sign of good things, most importantly things that I wanted could still come to me, if I want it enough. Even though meeting a cute guy isn't exactly on my list at the moment, I would be happy to take that and is thankful at the same time believe that good things will not cease to come my way. 

Although he may have approach me for the wrong reason, but the fact is I haven't been feeling like this for a very long time. Nothing seems to be working smoothly, true, I may be on my way to London for my studies. For a second chance, perhaps to make things right. Perhaps to change the environment for the better. I've always wanted to work in a foreign place for a short while and I thought that all these can be exchange with feelings. Feelings that I have towards people, places. 

Truth is, I wanted to control everything in my life. I wanted a lot more than I gave. I think it took losing a very important person to understand that sometimes you just have to give without hoping any returns. And then, just maybe then, something will be returned to you, good or bad. 

One moment I wanted to go out and experience the world, experience being single but at the same time I wanted to be loved by only a single person. Get marry young and live happily ever after? He put some perspective into me, things come when you least expect it. For now, I will not be concern about me and marriage or even being loved by one single person. 

I am not about to change any of my thinking or relationships that were ruined. All of these thinking makes me who I am. I am not perfect, I am far from perfect but I stand true to my own beliefs. Then I would be hoping another cute guy (German or others) would approach me, for all the correct reasons....

Update: The above was written 4 months ago before I moved to London for studies. While being totally depress about a certain thing, I accidentally bumped in the movie premiere of Hobbit, obviously, I am not allowed to go in through the short route but being at the very same place as Martin Freeman, Prince William and Sir Ian McKellen made me pretty excited. I never been to a premiere and aren't patient enough to go through all those, even though it is to see someone famous, not even Prince William could make me go through that. Anyway, here's a picture of a small part of it.

Sorry for the rather poor quality. With the cold and the area compounded, I had to take it from far. And the most important thing is, I wouldn't be here if I chose something different. 

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