Written while Drunk on Thoughts

25 Apr 2013

I see people in relationship, I see happiness

I apologise for not telling the stories for my trip to Copenhagen and Stockholm yet but I am too lazy to upload the pictures, will post soon but for now, I had a thought after I posted the weight lost article.

This is a good year, lots of people getting pregnant, lots of people due to give birth, lots of people going steady. I can see lots of people being happy and getting the "side effect" (gained a few pounds). So, does this mean while people are gaining, they are happy and since I lost, I am not? I often find myself wondering this particular theory I have. Don't get me wrong, I am happy that through healthy lifestyle I managed to lost and now kept the weight constant, but the theory sometimes does bother me and prompt me to re-think what makes me happy or will anything make me happy. (I would like to apologise of all these in advance to my Boy, because lets face it, who would want to hear his girlfriend say this).

I was talking to a new friend while at a party at my friend's apartment a few days ago. She mentioned that she wouldn't want to make the same mistakes a lot of girls made, gave up their career for the love of their life. But instead of marriage or an actual person, she said the love of her life is Paris. She gave up living in Paris so that she could have a career in London. Some of you might think its odd but I somehow think its rather true. Not everyone is fortunate to share the same perspective and views in life. I don't think I did, yet.

I always wanted to go out and see the world and live life, with some luxuries of course. I was never content on staying where I am. The recent trip changed my mind, I used to love Amsterdam, its a city but its so relaxing that I wouldn't mind staying there for good. Then I visited Stockholm, I had the same feeling yet again. I now start to believe that the love of my life is myself, do whatever I pleased. True, I did think of a million reasons that things might not got my way and being in Malaysia could be the only place I would end up but somehow, I always am not content in staying in Malaysia. So much to the extend that I freaked out the moment I realised I couldn't bargain the way out of compromising with the former one and decided to take stupid actions.

Don't get me wrong, I am still very materialistic and not a person that could survive much on a strict budget but after getting a taste of how its like, I am so eager to do it again, so much that the idea of getting married and settling down got lost. Few months ago, I was having this thought that I would want to be with a person that I would ended up marrying and I firmly knew that I wouldn't be marrying this one. But right now, I don't really care if I don't, I wanted to go out there and focus on what I want. I am not ready for any restrictions or commitments in life. I want to see the world, slowly and through my own way, my own eyes. Its beautiful and right now, I think its worth giving up everything (almost). I may end up like most people, settling down, but now, I would have stories to tell my kids. I am extremely fortunate to be able to travel like I did and live like I did. I am thankful for all of these but deep down, out there, there are something better waiting for me to discover and to experience.

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