Written while Drunk on Thoughts

8 Apr 2013

BFF you say? I say, there might not be such things, or is there?

Well, at least not for me. Not yet, I hope someday, I would be lucky enough to have one.

Friend sent me this yesterday and inspired my post. 

In case you are wondering, its her turkish number, to avoid confusion I had that attached to her name. 

I have quite a bit of friends. I threw away my contacts with my highschool friends to concentrate (too much!) on the other half. When all hell break loose with the other half, I was lost. I desperately needed someone to be there to offer a shoulder to cry on. The other half was kind enough to temporarily offer his shoulder for 2 months and ran away to KL afterwards, I guess it was too much for him to handle. I don't blame him, I will too. 

Since then, I understood the importance of friendship. Now, I do not believe in your other half being your best friend. OK, if you are lucky enough to be in that situation, good for you, all I could say is you are very lucky. But, I wasn't that lucky, perhaps because I am part bitch, part Ice Queen (according to my former superior). 

This is the story that made me part Ice Queen, closing in on most people, refusing to let anyone in my life deep enough to impact me should they decided to turn their backs on me someday. Looks like I wasn't the only bitch. 

12 years ago, when I was 12. I embarked on the scariest journey in most people's life - HIGHSCHOOL. I seriously do not know how I survived. Anyway, I got close with 3 other girls sitting near me. We were inseparable - basically doing everything together and ONE DAY, for no reason, they decided to stopped talking to me. One fine day, we were relocated in a different rooms due to our usual classroom being used as an exam room. Usually when we were temporarily relocated, seats are usually shotgun style, meaning you can sit anywhere you like, first come first serve. The 3 girls decided that they do no want me sitting anywhere near them and look for the only 3 empty seats, leave me hanging dry, no where to sit. My friend, K, sitting next to me in my usual classroom, though we are on friendly terms, we joked, we laughed but somehow I didn't clicked with her like I did with the 3. But the 3 of them just stopped talking to me cold turkey. Even K noticed something went wrong and asked me why. 12 years on, I still don't know why and the worse thing is 4 years after that we all went our separate ways and I sat next to one of the girls again. If only I had the courage that I possess today, I would definitely asked her this question. 
"Remember the day you stopped talking to me? Yes? WHY?"

Then the very next year, I met Shu Yee, I loved her, I adored her, we had our ups (I still remember the day we talked for hours and laughed and laughed, that was the last time I laughed so hard and genuinely feel happy, sucks growing up) and our downs (she is generally into Japanese while I ventured into the Western influence - she made a remark and I was mad at her, she apologised and all is well, you know, kids). Somehow, due to that differences, even though it doesn't happen on that incident, we grew apart. Well, she getting better grades and moved on to a better class is to blame as well. Anyway, I still remembered really really clearly the day we laughed and laughed, I think I always will.

Then comes PS, I met her when I was 10 and reunited with her when I was 15, we clicked and instantly we grew close, extremely close. We addressed each other bitches and share everything. I went on holiday and bought her souvenirs, she did the same. This is one of the best times during high school, second to the day Shu Yee and I laughed. The next year, even though we were separated by an entire block of building, it didn't stop me from finding her everyday. Then there it is my 16th birthday, we were obsessed about sweet 16 and my 16th isn't that sweet after all. She gave me my present via another friend. Ok, I am starting to see a pattern there, everyone stopped talking to me cold turkey. I started to think I am the one to blame, I was the common factor after all. So, girls, if you somehow stumble upon my blog, I would really like to know why. I mean, I am not a very nice person in general, but I would at least like to know why. I am open to ANYTHING.

Then, I started closing in, I never allowed anyone to come close into the status that I had in my heart for the past 4 girls. Eva came close and I closed out on her after I left for university. I last spoke to her at my final year of undergraduate and that was the last time I kept in contact with her. I regret doing so as I focused too much on the other half. So, lesson learnt here. I am not going to allow myself to do that again. I contacted a few friends and talk to them frequently even though one is in Australia, another in Canada. 

Both are guys. Lessons that I learnt is, guys are better close friends and less bitchy. They will tell you that you look nicer having a bit more meat on you (yes, my friend said guys like "pau with liao" [translation: bun with filling], not "empty pau", I knew he was referring to my boobs). I never see him in a sexually attractive kind of way, he is like a gay good friend without actually being gay (how did I know? I caught him checking me out when I decided to dress up the last time we met - I am flattered by the way). He is also the only few that knew why I am where I am today. =) Guys doesn't judge. OK, I told a girl friend too and she told me that no matter how wrong I am, I am the only one that could teach my former boyfriend what I taught him and he to me, even though what I did is hurtful and wrong. She made me re-evaluate myself and felt less guilty. Even though none of them are still maid of honor material should I get married, but I am so glad that they are in my life now. Somehow, people had a way to come back in your life if they are mean to be. Shu Yee just proved that saying.

This is to all the friends I have out there. I cherish all of you and even though someday you might be history, you will still be a part of me. Of course, I don't wish that that will be the case. I will fly back Malaysia for your wedding JY and YJ, I would not rip the opportunity of each of you being the other's maid of honor. I will be there to weep at yours, Shu Yee. I will not hesitate to jump on a plane to Turkey for you and visit Istanbul on the way, Ipek. Of course, Eugene, good things comes to the person that waited, take my word for it. =p

No comments :

Post a Comment