Happiness

is not a destination, its not a journey. Its a state of mind when you are taking the journey. Regardless of reaching the intended destination or a destination that wasn't planned, happiness should always be with us no matter what life throw at us.

I always thought I wasn't happy because I kept too much negativity in me. I took responsibility in everything bad that happened to me and despite all the effort, I never let it go. I blamed and find fault with myself for things that is beyond my control, sulk and cried over it. While it is completely acceptable to do so, I never seem to complete the final phase, that is to let it go.

Even at the "tender" age of 24, I was carrying around a lot of those with me and it had started to affect my life. It was like carrying around bags full of rocks or the psychological professional term - emotional baggage. I never believe that life could be beautiful and I kept worrying about what would happen next rather than living the moment. I used to think I would finally be happy when I finally got over the ex boyfriend and met a new guy. I did met a new guy and was happy for 2 seconds before I started worrying again. Naturally, this doesn't make me happy.

I love the thrill and feel someone gets when they first met someone new and is still learning about each other. Or put it frankly, when the man is going after the woman and basically everything the woman does is cute, sexy or desirable. I kept chasing after this feeling because I thought it would make me happy. Yes, it did make me happy, for another 2 seconds and I have to move on. Eventually it caught up with me and I was where I started again.

After going through that cycle a few times in the past few months, I sank to a new low and I am glad I did. Its like a light bulb that went off in my mind and my heart. I am allowed to feel what I am feeling but I have to do it with care. No one in this world is responsible for how I feel except me. I stopped feeling sorry for myself, picked myself up, dust myself off and went to the airport to pick up my mum and brother, who were here to celebrate my achievement with me.

This is the beginning of the best 2 weeks I had in a while and I couldn't have done it without my family, my dear dear friends and a new perception in happiness.

"As long as I am with you, I don't care where I am."

Today (22 December) is the birthday of someone that gave me a hard lesson on owning up to my own happiness, someone that had only read ONE blog post and proceed to laugh at me for being a cute nerd and also the only person that said "As long as I am with you, I don't care where I am." Without him, I would still be trapped in a bubble I created. Before the clock (GMT) strikes midnight 23 December, once again, Happy Birthday Curly.

Gaudi and his colours

Barcelona, what came to mind? Paella. Sagrada Família. Gaudi. To me, probably just Paella. Don't judge. I have a facebook photo album dedicated to gluttony. I've decided to travel to Barcelona for a short trip because of a several reasons. For starters, I never been to Spain and my mother prefer a milder and temperate weather than chilly Cologne and of course, the cheaper plane ticket make decisions making a no-brainer.

The trip was originally scheduled and planned for four persons - Parents, brother and me. But sadly, it was only 3 of us when Dad couldn't make it. Which also mean the trip basically falls on my shoulder. I don't like the idea of it because I wanted a getaway, not to organise a trip that cater to the taste of a rather unadventurous human being. So, I drown myself in dishes and dishes of Paella. That might be a tad exaggerating.

But if asked whether I enjoyed the trip, yes I did. I never been to Spain, everything is new to me. =) And the colours! Colours everywhere. Except me, which have a suitcase full of black clothes.

I must say going on a trip with your mother and a brother that refused to believe the cute waiter at the restaurant bought you a glass of wine just because he wants to takes the fun out a little. But all in all, with all the colours, the perfect winter - sun + cold, I must say I am loving Barcelona a lot.

Everything had to come to an end

Sorry, I had been on a roller coaster for the past 3 weeks.... I went from sad to happy to very sad to happy then to annoyed, all in one short 3 weeks time.

Needless to say, I was either too sad or enjoying myself too much to have the time to blog. That and also I didn't want to bored people with the same old cycle of my daily routine. Then on the 5th December 2013, my family and friends arrived from different parts of the world and break the routine.

From today onwards, I will be sharing and recording all those moments in my blog. It was the happiest time I had in a while, I hope you will all enjoy it.

Its the festive season, Merry Christmas! I had a lot of fun the past three weeks and had an epiphany. Bonne Année, Bonne Santé!!!!

Just cause

什么是天长地久？就算有了天长地久又如何？人生需要的不是经历，体验而不是牢牢的套住不属于自己的任何事物？有些人在乎天长地久，有些人在乎曾经拥有。当然完美就是你也是你的天长地久的天长地久。可是，天底下有那么多天长地久吗？

本人很在意曾经拥有，因为人是善变的动物，本人就是一个活生生的例子 －贪新忘旧。也因为如此伤了不少人，伤了自己。我因改变了环境而喜欢上了一个人，却忘了正在等待自己的那个他。就算环境依旧，还是因为贪玩而和不该熟的人搭上了。

写这编post，不简单，中文生疏不多说，也鼓起不少勇气承认自己不是个好人。经过不少泪水和思考，我很清楚自己要的是什么，自己要的是谁。。。

To own a time turner

If you are given an opportunity to turn back time, do you want to?

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How many times had you heard people saying this "If only I could turn back time."

I am a social scientist, so naturally I have 2 answers. Yes and No.

The NO
I was afraid of a lot of things growing up, mainly because my mother aren't exactly the adventurous type and people around me are protective and never push me to the edge. I was afraid that I might got myself into trouble for doing something, so I always chose not to. I was never happy about my own body and I was never comfortable in my own skin.

Sure enough, every now and then, I still feel the same but I am not the meek, shy introvert anymore. I try everything even though I sometimes don't feel comfortable doing, I make a point of trying before deciding. Shy of anything illegal, I tried quite a great deal of "things", be it morally correct or not. Though I am not proud of some things I've done, I accept it and move on. Hey, at least I tried it, no? I never had to ask myself what if I don't. There is also a saying "You never live life until you got yourself into trouble and your heart broken."

The YES
Everyone has something they regret of, something they wish they had not done or something that they could have done differently. I think up until now, I only have one thing that I would do differently if I could turn back time. That is to handle things like an adult rather than like a child. I would have call it quit the correct way, even though it hurts, it doesn't hurt that much. Its a route I wished I had taken instead of the one I took.

Thats the only thing that I would do differently. Even though I never been through any hardship, I am glad that I was the meek, shy introvert and I am glad I saw a way out and became someone quite different than what I was.

So, if you are given an opportunity to turn back time, would you change anything or you are happy with what you've done no matter how shameful or embarrassed you are, because its a way of life?

Is giving up a cowardly choice?

Life is a summation of decisions or as my friend pointed out in mathematical terms (Life = Σ Decisions). It is a string of decisions made by someone that make up his / her life. There could be billions of possibilities that the particular life would turn out differently because of one single change in those decisions.

As a person who believe that if I am persistent enough, good things will eventually come to me, giving up is never an option. Because it is deemed cowardly and not acceptable. Suck it up and soldier on is the only way to go.

But every now and then, everyone must have feel like that:

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http://static2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120521082421/m__/meme/images/1/12/Table_Flip.jpg

Sometimes a little less frustrated and a lot more disappointed.

But then again, this will come back and haunt us.

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She made giving up seem like an easy way out. But WHAT IF it leads no where even after one had been trying and trying. Wouldn't that just waste his / her time? With this question comes another question: WHAT IF it does lead to something wonderful? Perhaps not in the near future but there might be a chance there will be a pot of gold waiting at the end of the rainbow?

I recently met a woman, she is a young mother of 4. She could tell what is troubling me within 5 minutes of meeting me and the horrifying thing is she is right. She offered to tell me my future but I told her I would like to find out myself even though that might eliminate the WHAT IF. *Don't want the "Anakin-Amidala" to happen again*. Uncertainty might be fun, it might be painful but it is also precisely what life is.

I don't think giving up is a cowardly choice, somethings are meant to be given up so that better things could fall in place. But somethings are not. How do you know which to give up and which not to? I have absolutely no idea. It wouldn't be fun if I do.

Still alive

Oh dear.... I've abandoned this space for a month. I wasn't particularly busy but a lot had happened, I learnt so much in the past 6 months than I had the past 23 years in my life.

Life had been rather mundane with most weekdays being very "routine" but just when I was about to sit down on the weekends to dread about how mundane it will be again in the forthcoming week, I got pulled away from the comfy couch, forced to put on "going out" clothes and actually go out.

Not that I am complaining but the weekends always made me forget about how routine the weekdays are. Weekends are always spontaneous, unplanned and full of surprises!!!! It was always always fun, so fun that I forgot the existence of my phone and no picture was taken during those events.

Last week I was invited to my former flatmate and another friend's birthday party at Greenwich. The view is so wonderfully pretty, we were dining at a restaurant by the dock overlooking the river. If the weather is slightly warmer, it will be perfect. But the highlight of the night is the look of my friend's face when I handed him his orange gift.

Somehow the temperature deciding to give us abit of surprise and having a bit of fun with us. The temperature went from 9/10 degree celsius to 0/1 degree celsius in a day! Even though its nothing like Turkey which my friend told me that they have snow during October, but I am not loving this weather.
It seems like Summer have completely wiped my memory of previous months' weather clean. I don't remember it being this cold. But of course, the one perk of being in the cold, its more romantic when taking strolls in the middle of the night. *wink* That is until rain decided that its not cold enough.

Somehow with all these cold, I feel warmer inside (Maybe this is why I feel so much colder now).

Hope this very short and concise post satisfy your craving of me for a while.