To own a time turner

If you are given an opportunity to turn back time, do you want to?

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How many times had you heard people saying this "If only I could turn back time."

I am a social scientist, so naturally I have 2 answers. Yes and No.

The NO
I was afraid of a lot of things growing up, mainly because my mother aren't exactly the adventurous type and people around me are protective and never push me to the edge. I was afraid that I might got myself into trouble for doing something, so I always chose not to. I was never happy about my own body and I was never comfortable in my own skin.

Sure enough, every now and then, I still feel the same but I am not the meek, shy introvert anymore. I try everything even though I sometimes don't feel comfortable doing, I make a point of trying before deciding. Shy of anything illegal, I tried quite a great deal of "things", be it morally correct or not. Though I am not proud of some things I've done, I accept it and move on. Hey, at least I tried it, no? I never had to ask myself what if I don't. There is also a saying "You never live life until you got yourself into trouble and your heart broken."

The YES
Everyone has something they regret of, something they wish they had not done or something that they could have done differently. I think up until now, I only have one thing that I would do differently if I could turn back time. That is to handle things like an adult rather than like a child. I would have call it quit the correct way, even though it hurts, it doesn't hurt that much. Its a route I wished I had taken instead of the one I took.

Thats the only thing that I would do differently. Even though I never been through any hardship, I am glad that I was the meek, shy introvert and I am glad I saw a way out and became someone quite different than what I was.

So, if you are given an opportunity to turn back time, would you change anything or you are happy with what you've done no matter how shameful or embarrassed you are, because its a way of life?

Is giving up a cowardly choice?

Life is a summation of decisions or as my friend pointed out in mathematical terms (Life = Σ Decisions). It is a string of decisions made by someone that make up his / her life. There could be billions of possibilities that the particular life would turn out differently because of one single change in those decisions.

As a person who believe that if I am persistent enough, good things will eventually come to me, giving up is never an option. Because it is deemed cowardly and not acceptable. Suck it up and soldier on is the only way to go.

But every now and then, everyone must have feel like that:

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Sometimes a little less frustrated and a lot more disappointed.

But then again, this will come back and haunt us.

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She made giving up seem like an easy way out. But WHAT IF it leads no where even after one had been trying and trying. Wouldn't that just waste his / her time? With this question comes another question: WHAT IF it does lead to something wonderful? Perhaps not in the near future but there might be a chance there will be a pot of gold waiting at the end of the rainbow?

I recently met a woman, she is a young mother of 4. She could tell what is troubling me within 5 minutes of meeting me and the horrifying thing is she is right. She offered to tell me my future but I told her I would like to find out myself even though that might eliminate the WHAT IF. *Don't want the "Anakin-Amidala" to happen again*. Uncertainty might be fun, it might be painful but it is also precisely what life is.

I don't think giving up is a cowardly choice, somethings are meant to be given up so that better things could fall in place. But somethings are not. How do you know which to give up and which not to? I have absolutely no idea. It wouldn't be fun if I do.

Still alive

Oh dear.... I've abandoned this space for a month. I wasn't particularly busy but a lot had happened, I learnt so much in the past 6 months than I had the past 23 years in my life.

Life had been rather mundane with most weekdays being very "routine" but just when I was about to sit down on the weekends to dread about how mundane it will be again in the forthcoming week, I got pulled away from the comfy couch, forced to put on "going out" clothes and actually go out.

Not that I am complaining but the weekends always made me forget about how routine the weekdays are. Weekends are always spontaneous, unplanned and full of surprises!!!! It was always always fun, so fun that I forgot the existence of my phone and no picture was taken during those events.

Last week I was invited to my former flatmate and another friend's birthday party at Greenwich. The view is so wonderfully pretty, we were dining at a restaurant by the dock overlooking the river. If the weather is slightly warmer, it will be perfect. But the highlight of the night is the look of my friend's face when I handed him his orange gift.

Somehow the temperature deciding to give us abit of surprise and having a bit of fun with us. The temperature went from 9/10 degree celsius to 0/1 degree celsius in a day! Even though its nothing like Turkey which my friend told me that they have snow during October, but I am not loving this weather.
It seems like Summer have completely wiped my memory of previous months' weather clean. I don't remember it being this cold. But of course, the one perk of being in the cold, its more romantic when taking strolls in the middle of the night. *wink* That is until rain decided that its not cold enough.

Somehow with all these cold, I feel warmer inside (Maybe this is why I feel so much colder now).

Hope this very short and concise post satisfy your craving of me for a while.

18 October 2013

Two nights ago, without planning, I had the best night in my life so far. Why was it the best night? Well, it involves the usual elements you need to have the best night and some more. I hit myself (softly) on the head that I ALMOST missed a great night out.

The day started out rather crappily with the usual family drama (my family must have miss me too much, they decided to remind me of them with a bit of drama) and I went into a very upset mode which quickly turned into a defensive-do-not-talk-to-me-or-I-will-kill-you mode. Thankfully, no one was harm.

The day went by in a rush because we were in a rush. We rush to university then rush down to Cheam (with coffee in between), then rush back to London. Everything is rather like a blur due to the rush and the tears in my eyes.

But I was wrong, what was originally a rather sucky day turns out to be quite fun. We rushed to a pub called "The Comedy Pub/Club" which essentially is down the road from Eat Tokyo. I was so tempted to head towards the food instead of the loud loud music. We went there and I met the funniest, coolest and easy going person on earth (based on first impression - its not easy to achieve that), she is what I expected but more. Even though she know me for 2 seconds, she would tried to make me feel less awkward (I know exactly one person there and being the most outgoing person on earth, I find it too difficult to fit in) and by the end of the night, it's as if I knew her for my entire life.

Night started out with some weird, country-folk songs moving into a soul (my kind) of music and ended with a very young Beatles lookalikes. I went out for a breather and apparently I went out for what seems like a few minutes turns out to be an hour because the performance ended .....

.... and I found these 2 dancing.

I envy the larger in life attitude where having fun is all that matters that they have. All I did is sit there and laugh my butt off. B decided to have round 2 and walked around Soho and got to a rather cool dining / pub call Garlic and shots. There is literally garlic in everything, including beer. But it was too crowded and we decided to give it a pass and ended up at Thirst.

I probably had told everyone that I met that I can't dance, I absolutely can't stress enough that I CANNOT dance. Of course, its only a matter of time I met someone that LOVE LOVE LOVE dancing more than he loves sleeping and eating. He had previously tried to convinced / hoaxed / persuade / everything shy of beg for me to go dancing with him and I always refused, lets face it who wants to make a fool out of themselves? But last Friday night I did, I said yes and went dancing. As much I hate to admit it, I ENJOYED it. R said to me "the whole thing about you not being able to dance, you are lying."

So, we danced our night away. The night not only re-lifted my mood and helped me decide what to do to my ongoing family drama, I made new friends, helped me find a side of me that I didn't know I have and found a side of him that I didn't know that I would ever find. In spite of all the drama, all is well.

Disclaimer: I was too busy enjoying my night and forgot to take pictures. Also the light is not exactly helping in taking pictures, of course, I couldn't stop laughing and that doesn't help in taking pictures and that, I am not sorry.

Walk down Memory Lane

Norwich, a small town where I spent about 3 years of my 24 years living in. Ever since coming back to England, I always wanted to visit Norwich but never seem to have time or just plain lazy / procrastinating. Somehow last Saturday, I decided that its time to visit Norwich.

Somehow, I managed to plan an agenda for everyday through this week, starting the week with a walk down memory lane and ending it with an outing with a new friend but I left one particular person out. Of course, he wasn't too happy about it but it turns out to be a pleasant surprise.

I can't believe that I am saying this but one of the many reasons I procrastinated to go back is because I am afraid. I am afraid that I will be sad, I don't want to face everything that I once had and lost. Going back will remind me of everything that I failed to do.

Oddly, I felt intimidated. Its so familiar but it scares me, Norwich scares me. I know its strange but I felt more free and easy in London considering its so much bigger and chances that you will never see a person that you don't personally know more than once. Having lived in London for the past year gave me the feeling that Norwich is just like Penang. I never had this feeling before. Walking down memory lane does give you a mixed feeling, in my case, literally.

I didn't quite managed to do everything that I wanted, partly because I wanted to save it for the next time, partly because this was too sudden. Anyway, enough of me reminiscing the past. Norwich is beautiful. Its smaller than I remember though, the railway station and Norwich city centre is about the distance between where I live and the nearest underground station in London.

My favourite cafe in Norwich, its the first stop I made.

Then I took the bus back to University of East Anglia.

It wasn't a sunny day, in fact its slightly chilly but it brings me back to where I was 5 years ago, I even located where my room is and saw the new students currently living in there. I regret not getting out from the room to the lake more.

View from the roof top of Suffolk Terrace.

Not to forget where I spent my 2nd and 3rd year of University with my former housemate, Alex. 

In the end, I came back to London feeling content. Yes, things changed. Norwich didn't change much, University doesn't change much except that there are another accommodation building near Colman House currently going under construction. School of Economics moved to a new location and the opposite of where it used to be.

But I changed a great deal. I used to fuss about how far it was having to live outside university and the long bus ride to city centre. I used to be afraid of things that I am not certain with. I am still afraid but now I learnt how not to fuss about it too much, just try my very best.

Hope you enjoy this mini tour around Norwich. Hopefully in the near future I would be able to take more picture around Norwich.

Cooking and Baking is NOT my forte!

I love to eat (who doesn't), usually its other reasons that make the eater think twice, usually one of these 2 reasons: afraid of getting fat OR plain old lazy. I happened to fall in the second category, occasionally the first category. Who doesn't want to indulge in their favourite Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough ice cream (I once finished a whole tub in a sitting)? Who doesn't want to fall into a sugar coma after eating too much dessert?

I told a friend that I don't really like eating and I don't eat much. His reply?

"You are a liar. You can eat, you are tiny but you can eat! You just finished a whole week's worth of food in one meal. You are just lazy to do food shopping and cooking. By the way, you must have take massive dump daily, where did all the nutrition go?"

Sadly, the fats doesn't find its way to where its suppose to be. Its suffice to say I LOVE to eat, I am just too lazy to cook. But being the lucky me, I seemed to always have a guardian angel, or should I say a cooking-loving guardian angel, willing to go out a limb to cook for me. When I was struggling on my first term tests and assignments, my cousin made me japanese hash brown (korroke) and some really delicious pumpkin dish (sorry, forgot the name). Then, comes new year's day, I just have to show up at her door step, I get wonderful home-cooked hot soup noodle to warm myself up.

The cycle went on, all I had to do is show up and I got food in my belly and a huge smile on my face. Until she has to leave. =( I went on for 3 months with no proper food, then I got close with Pretty Girl and she became my food angel. =P Though she doesn't cook for me as much, for some reason she kept asking me whether I am hungry. Making sure I do eat something.

July was a crazy month, I spent most of the time either sleeping or out wandering around London with Ipek or Pretty Girl or the pub. Not much food went into my belly that month and without trying, I lost some weight. I remember that for my birthday, I only had ONE meal. That is definitely a record (I am a Chinese, we celebrate everything by eating too much.)

Then the inevitable happened, Pretty Girl had to leave. No one is going to ask me whether I am hungry anymore (the funny thing is, when we go out, we don't eat together. She will eat while I am still full and when I am hungry, she had just finished her meal not long ago) =( Then the universe sent me another food angel, he cooks good food (I am impressed because the male species that I am familiar with, can't cook) and because he is always hungry, I eat whenever he does (Its not nice to decline someone that put in so much effort to cook you something). Had I not been bad in cooking, I probably would never appreciate the effort as much.

Ok, ok, enough about cooking. I actually want to talk about baking. I wasn't really into both but if I have to choose one, I will pick baking, mainly because I am nuts for dessert. I can make wicked waffles (which my family love) and this is my first attempt to make Green Tea / Matcha Mille Crepe cake. I steal the recipe from Julie Van (Green Tea Mille Crepe) and I must say it is quite successful for first attempt. Its not perfect (custard is abit clumpy and the crepes are not even in size or shape) but I am quite pleased with myself. I wouldn't go through the steps as its quite messy while in progress, so I will just post the picture of the end product.

Ugly custard.... Well, at least it taste good. Alright, I am going to finish this cake which I painstakingly stand in front of the stove, making layer by layer for the past few hours. Plus, I am quite positive no one would like a matcha on matcha cake as much as me.

Edit: By the time this was posted up, the cake no longer survive my gluttony.

A book to remember.....

Moleskine is an Italian company that specialises in notebooks, journals and diaries. The notebooks, journals and diaries all have leather cover. I am a fan of leather, if possible, I would have everything in leather: leather bags, leather jackets (those are the coolest!). Bags and purses made out of leather just look much more grown up and expensive. Remember the canvas wallets complete with velcro that we used when we are a kid?

Back to Moleskine, I always like them but its quite expensive when it comes to the price of a notebook. However, I think if its a journal that you will be using for the entire year or better yet, for the next 18 months, a leather cover diary is definitely not too much. 

I have 4 / 5 different Moleskine for different purposes. A diary, a couple of notebooks and a Book journal. Recently, I started to record my feelings about incident or events that had happened in my life or just random thoughts that spring in my mind while I am out and about. A few days ago, I bought a new Book journal to record all books that I have read. I used to be an avid reader since young but after university and work, I never seem to find the time to indulge in some book reading. With more time on hand now, I bought a few books on the cheap and went to the local library and borrow a few more. I was searching for a book journal to record all books that I've read and I must say in addition to the pretty leather cover and different languages imprinted on it, this book journal is the best one I had came across. Of course, the stickers are a bonus. =)

Oh, if you can't tell already, I am totally obsessed with everything French. The language, the jewellery, the country, the FOOD......