Cooking and Baking is NOT my forte!

I love to eat (who doesn't), usually its other reasons that make the eater think twice, usually one of these 2 reasons: afraid of getting fat OR plain old lazy. I happened to fall in the second category, occasionally the first category. Who doesn't want to indulge in their favourite Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough ice cream (I once finished a whole tub in a sitting)? Who doesn't want to fall into a sugar coma after eating too much dessert?

I told a friend that I don't really like eating and I don't eat much. His reply?

"You are a liar. You can eat, you are tiny but you can eat! You just finished a whole week's worth of food in one meal. You are just lazy to do food shopping and cooking. By the way, you must have take massive dump daily, where did all the nutrition go?"

Sadly, the fats doesn't find its way to where its suppose to be. Its suffice to say I LOVE to eat, I am just too lazy to cook. But being the lucky me, I seemed to always have a guardian angel, or should I say a cooking-loving guardian angel, willing to go out a limb to cook for me. When I was struggling on my first term tests and assignments, my cousin made me japanese hash brown (korroke) and some really delicious pumpkin dish (sorry, forgot the name). Then, comes new year's day, I just have to show up at her door step, I get wonderful home-cooked hot soup noodle to warm myself up.

The cycle went on, all I had to do is show up and I got food in my belly and a huge smile on my face. Until she has to leave. =( I went on for 3 months with no proper food, then I got close with Pretty Girl and she became my food angel. =P Though she doesn't cook for me as much, for some reason she kept asking me whether I am hungry. Making sure I do eat something.

July was a crazy month, I spent most of the time either sleeping or out wandering around London with Ipek or Pretty Girl or the pub. Not much food went into my belly that month and without trying, I lost some weight. I remember that for my birthday, I only had ONE meal. That is definitely a record (I am a Chinese, we celebrate everything by eating too much.)

Then the inevitable happened, Pretty Girl had to leave. No one is going to ask me whether I am hungry anymore (the funny thing is, when we go out, we don't eat together. She will eat while I am still full and when I am hungry, she had just finished her meal not long ago) =( Then the universe sent me another food angel, he cooks good food (I am impressed because the male species that I am familiar with, can't cook) and because he is always hungry, I eat whenever he does (Its not nice to decline someone that put in so much effort to cook you something). Had I not been bad in cooking, I probably would never appreciate the effort as much.

Ok, ok, enough about cooking. I actually want to talk about baking. I wasn't really into both but if I have to choose one, I will pick baking, mainly because I am nuts for dessert. I can make wicked waffles (which my family love) and this is my first attempt to make Green Tea / Matcha Mille Crepe cake. I steal the recipe from Julie Van (Green Tea Mille Crepe) and I must say it is quite successful for first attempt. Its not perfect (custard is abit clumpy and the crepes are not even in size or shape) but I am quite pleased with myself. I wouldn't go through the steps as its quite messy while in progress, so I will just post the picture of the end product.

Ugly custard.... Well, at least it taste good. Alright, I am going to finish this cake which I painstakingly stand in front of the stove, making layer by layer for the past few hours. Plus, I am quite positive no one would like a matcha on matcha cake as much as me.

Edit: By the time this was posted up, the cake no longer survive my gluttony.

A book to remember.....

Moleskine is an Italian company that specialises in notebooks, journals and diaries. The notebooks, journals and diaries all have leather cover. I am a fan of leather, if possible, I would have everything in leather: leather bags, leather jackets (those are the coolest!). Bags and purses made out of leather just look much more grown up and expensive. Remember the canvas wallets complete with velcro that we used when we are a kid?

Back to Moleskine, I always like them but its quite expensive when it comes to the price of a notebook. However, I think if its a journal that you will be using for the entire year or better yet, for the next 18 months, a leather cover diary is definitely not too much. 

I have 4 / 5 different Moleskine for different purposes. A diary, a couple of notebooks and a Book journal. Recently, I started to record my feelings about incident or events that had happened in my life or just random thoughts that spring in my mind while I am out and about. A few days ago, I bought a new Book journal to record all books that I have read. I used to be an avid reader since young but after university and work, I never seem to find the time to indulge in some book reading. With more time on hand now, I bought a few books on the cheap and went to the local library and borrow a few more. I was searching for a book journal to record all books that I've read and I must say in addition to the pretty leather cover and different languages imprinted on it, this book journal is the best one I had came across. Of course, the stickers are a bonus. =)

Oh, if you can't tell already, I am totally obsessed with everything French. The language, the jewellery, the country, the FOOD......

Creative Writing

I am writing because I always love writing. Many people in my life told me that they admire people that could write and write and write. Some told me that they not persistent enough or are too lazy to do it daily. Even though I am good numerically, I longed to be good artistically, but unfortunately, I can only draw to an extent, I can't design, so I decided writing is a perfect outlet for me to express myself. Now that I have more free time on hand, I write a lot a lot more. I even chose to attend Creative Writing class once a week. Even though a few person don't really agree that I should attend a class to learn how to write, I think being exposed to writing formally will help me appreciate what I am writing even more.

For starters, writers see a text much more differently than non-writers. True enough, everyone is a writer, who hasn't write essays in their life? No matter how much you hated it, everyone has to write essays in language classes and if you are from Malaysia, you would probably have to write it in at least 2 languages. But those essays are different, we followed a certain structure, a certain plot (usually plots that would score us the highest marks possible) and are never allowed to write, creatively. A friend of mine wrote about his thoughts on a series of books (I don't remember the name) for his English class, because he knew his teacher will like it. Of course, he aced it.

During school time, writing is always a must, but it doesn't come from the heart, it always come from memories, from pages and pages of essays we tried hard to cramped into our head the day before the exam. So, suffice to say, a lot of people hated it.

I remembered when I was 15 someone asked me what do I want to be when I grow up, I told him I wanted to be a writer. I suppose I always know what I wanted but did not follow through that ambition of mine. So, attending Creative Writing class is a step closer to what I would love to do. Right now, its a hobby but who know what will happen in the future.

Anyway, this is something I wrote during the class and would love to share. The tutor walked us through memories of our life - from early years till present. She told us to write something when we were a kid, 10th birthday, thing / person we loved most during our teenage years, favourite place and the place we are living now (more precisely, the room in a house we hang out most). To be honest, writing came pretty easy for me when I was writing about my baby years, favourite place and the place I hang out most. But when it comes to my 10th birthday and the thing / person I loved most during my teenage years, I was just making things up. I got stuck and uninspired.

This is why I love about writing. Writing reflects a certain part of the author, it may be fictional but the final work will always reflect the characteristic of the author. It will also reflect characteristic and personality of the reader. Well, someone that prefer to see things the positive way would never chose to read something dark and depressing or they would not enjoy it. I am now very clear that why I was stuck and uninspired when I was writing about my 10th birthday and my teenage years. Those were the years I "blanked" out, I was searching for myself and is always uncomfortable and insecure. I am happy to know that I grew out of it and its those years that shaped my character. So, even though I hated my high school years (and the fact that I went to an all girls' school), its those experience that made me who I am. My friend once told me "Love it or hate it, treasure it, its what makes you who you are today. If you were to go to a mixed gender school, you would be less "you" and we probably wouldn't have crossed paths." I think she is right, even with the ups and downs, I wouldn't want my life to turn out any other way (and it could only get better from here).

Falling in Love

Few months ago, I was asked this question: "How do you know when you are in love?" At that moment, I dug deep in my brain and in my heart, first searching for my definition of love then attempt to answer the question in the most accurate and concise manner. All I got is "Erm...I don't know....maybe...erm....you just know. I don't know, please don't ask me that question."

Obviously, my friend looked at me with a blank, confused face. But I know what was in her mind - "And you claimed to be an expert in love. Pftt!!"

Movies always tell us that "Love" is something you give out unconditionally, you don't have a reason as to why you are doing it, you just do. Movies also tell us that "Falling in love" is an act that you do subconsciously. There is a conflict there. If you do it without knowing consciously, how do you know you have done it?

Yesterday, the same friend sent me this clip from Before Sunset and along with the scene she sent me a written version of what the heroine Celine said in the movie.

Source:http://31.media.tumblr.com/a8ffabee0e231fc38d39126ddf9f7bb2/tumblr_mq3r1gitRQ1r9a9jho1_500.gif

Celine: You know I'm happy you are saying that, I mean I always feel like a freak because I'm never able to move on like... (snap her fingers) ...this! You know. People just have an affair or even entire relationships. They break up and they forget! They move on like they would have changed a brand of Cereals! I feel I was never able to forget anyone I've been with. Because each person have their own specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost. Each relationship, when it ends, really damages me. I never really recover. That's why I'm very careful with getting involved because it hurts me too much... or even getting laid, I actually don't do that. I will miss of the person the most mundane things. Like I'm obsessed with little things. Maybe I'm crazy... When I was a little girl, my mom told me that I was always late to school. One day she followed me to see why. I was looking at chestnuts falling from the trees and rolling on the sidewalk, or ants crossing the road, the way a leaf casts a shadow on a tree trunk. Little things. I think it's the same with people. I see in them little details, so specific to each of them, that move me, that I miss, and will always miss. You can never replace anyone because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details.

So, falling in love is noticing specific details of someone? If you ask 10 people the question what is Love, you will probably get at least 10 different versions of answer. Some will tell you its unconditionally, while others disagree. Some will tell you its something magical, while others will tell you its logical. Some will say "Love is unlimited" while others will tell you "I don't believe in Love".

Frankly, I still don't have the "correct" answer yet because the feeling that I thought was "in love" turns out to be "confused". But for now, my answer is "Being in love is feeling content and happy with your current situation with that someone" Be its with family or with a stranger that could potentially be your family, if you are content and happy with him or her or it, you are in love.

One Year

Today (down to the very minute, give or take a 10 minutes) marks the one year anniversary of me setting foot in this country once again. The goal is to earn a Master's degree, mend a broken heart and if possible, travel as much as I can and of course, try my hardest in getting a job. Everything else seems secondary.

I still remember the feeling when I got off the plane. I was too tired to feel. I waited for hours for the university transfer to bring me into the city. The first person I met is an American transfer student doing his third year. I got to the university and a really helpful student ambassador (do they call them that?) helped me drag my huge & heavy luggage to my accommodation across the road. You wouldn't believe how grateful I was, I gave her a huge hug and check into my new room for the year. 

Nothing sink in, absolutely nothing, even when another nice younger girl helped me with my luggage to the room and said "welcome, this will be your home for the next year." In my head, I knew I had a list of errands to run before shops closes. I managed to get everything done (including meeting my neighbours for the year) before the sky gets dark and finally had a breather. I sat down in front of my computer and stare out the window. Slowly, it seep in. All the thoughts and all the joy, it sank in bit by bit. I didn't miss home. I am so eager to get back to this wonderful city that nothing hold me back. I was excited to make a home out of the standard student room. 

However, one thing did creep me out. I had not been studying for the past 2 years and my brain behave differently. I freaked out but did take things slowly, one thing at a time. But at the same time, I am excited to explore this wonderful beloved city of my once again. With what had happened in the past 2 years, moving to a new city injected some fresh perspective and views. But of course, you can never run away from your problem.

Then I get to meet new people, face new-never-encountered-before problems, try new food. By writing this post, it makes me re-think what I've been through this year.

Ipek 
She is my very first friend in university. As usual, I was the first one to poke my nose while she is minding her own business. I still remember the day very clearly. Its on a friday afternoon, we were both waiting to meet our Head of School to give us speech. We started talking and the rest is history. She introduced me to Turkish food and Turkish culture, a culture that had previously been so alien and far to me. I've learnt to say "Thank you" in Turkish and will be visiting Turkey in the near future. Its been more than a month since she left and I miss her very much.

Gavin
My ever so kind flatmate. I met him on the very first day when we both move into the flat. He has all kinds of kitchen utensils, while me, I settled on a knife, ONE plate, ONE mug, ONE bowl, ONE fork, ONE spoon, ONE cutting knife. You get the idea, basically ONE of everything. So, Gavin is always the victim when I decided to steal someoneelse's kitchenware. He is also quite a listener. We chat and talk nonsense, bonding over The Big Bang Theory and Modern Family. Though its not until I almost finish my exam that I started going on drinking sessions, or else I might not have pass my exam at all. Now that we've moved out of the flat, I am lucky to have know Gavin, the gentle, kind aggressive-violent-plastic bag-throwing flatmate.

Fon
She is the last one to "check-in" to our flat, when another flatmate of mine told me there is a girl moving into the same flat, I was delighted and even excited to find out she is from Thailand (because its closer to home). Our interaction had always been polite and diplomatic. I would classify her as "Hi-Bye" friends. She's always just the girl down the hall and nothing more... Not until when she decided to tag along for my jogging session (How Pretty Girl and me get to be so close). I appreciate the kindness, sincerity and warmth she brought me. Most importantly, she opened up new opportunities for me. I would never ever dine in Ladurée if not for her. 

D
It all started with Pretty Girl agreeing to go jogging with me, one thing lead to another, I get to know D via Gavin. He changed my perspective in life, about having a good time does not necessarily involve shopping and paying obsence amount of money for dinner. He taught me life could be simple yet fulfilling and the occasional bad French. 

Human are greedy, we constantly want more. Even though we have more than we expected, we are never content and satisfied and is constantly chasing for more. This is why I have to kept reminding myself that even if the future that I wanted does not work out, I have gained more than I've previously planned. I have more than what I had in mind a year ago. I am really glad that more than one year ago, I decided to embark on this journey, this amazing and fulfilling journey that brought new, fresh perspective in my life. 

One year ago, happiness is my goal, temporary happiness is when that handbag I've always wanted arrived in the post, happiness seems almost impossible. Happiness is now a feeling, a way of life. 

My Gänseblümchen

4 days ago, my emotions just went all over London with me, in the cab, in the tube and on the bus. If someone ask me what is the most difficult thing that I have to go through by studying / living abroad? (I know, not much of my friends will ask that because to them I am a lucky, spoilt girl - maybe I am) I don't think living alone is difficult, I am lucky enough to have financial support from the family. I don't think its the studying and the fact that I have to do everything and solve all difficulties by myself. The most difficult thing is to say goodbye. What is more difficult is to say goodbye is when you say goodbye, you don't know when is the next time you will see this person again.

Sure, the world is small, we are all just a plane ride away. But there are more to it. Life happens. Life is a cruel creature. It makes you forget people, forget who was important to you. Perhaps I was the one that did not put any effort into our friendship but it goes both ways. The other party could have contact me. So, I am not the only one to be blame. Through all that, I have a principal that I stood by - don't get too attached to anyone. Because it hurts less when LIFE happens. So, I really envy people with friends from high school, primary school or childhood friends. Because I did not make enough effort to make the other party to make an effort.

I thought this is it. I am never looking for a person to be close with me, to be my friend forever. I am sure everyone is familiar with the saying "You will find love when you are not looking for it". Let me tell you, its true. I am sure you all are sick with me saying this again and again. I came to this country hoping not to have anything more than a degree and a fun year. I did had a fun year and degree (fingers crossed) but I have more now. I had always bear in mind that all these are temporary, my friends are going to leave and when LIFE happens, we are going to lost touch because we are simply too busy living our own life. But the year 2013 keep on proving me wrong.

Thanks for being there for me, Pretty Girl. Thanks for being understanding and accommodating, especially when I couldn't stop obsessing over things and people. Thanks for sitting with me when I went through emotional roller coaster, thanks for going to different places and bringing me to different places. Thanks for agreeing to do crazy, immature but extremely funny stunts with me. Thanks for those encouraging messages, it did helped me get through things a lot easier. But most importantly, thanks for all those pretty pictures. =)

Now that this part of your life has ended, I wish you good luck and I promise you, I will NEVER EVER forget you. Just promise me that you will enjoy your life to the fullest. Things will work out. My Gänseblümchen, till we meet again. Don't change too much. I love you.

Vienna

A few months ago, when planning on a summer holiday, we decided to visit cities that starts with V. He was all about Venice while I am more keen on the more mellow Vienna. Don't get me wrong, I love sunny and exotic Mediterranean weather, its always my top holiday destination. One, I can get a tan. Second, I make up for the lack of sunlight in England within that short few days.

But now, although I love it when the sun is out in London. I fell in love with the more melancholy weather during winter. Yes, its a tad depressing for some people but I love the dark, mysterious vibe that only winter could offer. That being said, I am still not ready for winter yet.

That aside, I hate the rain. I don't like rain in Malaysia when sometimes its good for the hot and humid weather, rain cools the weather down and got rid of the dreadful haze. I don't like rain anywhere. As luck is on our side, it rained the 3 days we were in Vienna and my warmest clothes involved a thin knit jumper and . To top that off, my Austrian friend gave me false hope on how cute the guys there are. Its false advertisement.

Although both are old cities, its pretty obvious that Vienna sent out a more mellow and relaxed vibe while Venice is all about the sun and the "heat". I am glad that I get to experience such diverse culture and weather.

I used to love travelling when I was young, flying in a plane is so exciting. Then I grew up and had to move to another country, which means constant travelling every few months. I hate the plane, I hate the waiting and the pain of getting pass airport security, don't get me started. Now, I still hate the plane ride and travelling. But when I got to a new place, just like magic, my problems that bugged me alot solved itself. I knew exactly what I should do and never question myself after that.

Perhaps its because I grew up and perspective changed. My past 2 trips was enlightening, it helps me think clearly from a different view. I moved to London to mend a broken heart, it turns out all I need is just a trip away from where I live. Haha.