Remember that many times that I walked past London Eye and squeezed past the never ending tourist onto Westminster Bridge, hoping to get out of the crowd immediately. All I could think of is walking as fast as my legs are able to and as swift as my human-avoiding skill allows me to, never really stopped to admire the glorious House of Parliament, headed straight past Parliament Square just to get to the bus stop as fast as I could. Today, it dawned to me that I might have had looked up once in a while and stole glances of the House of Parliament and Big Ben, scanned through the square to see any interesting protest is going on there. But I never once turn my head at look back to where I come from.
The past should stay in the past for many reasons, my favourite one is "Why dwell on it when you can do nothing about it?" But yet I find myself thinking about it from time to time. Sometimes I wished things could be different, sometimes I wonder will I be thinking about other options if I were to make my decisions differently, sometimes I am glad that I followed the route I am on right now.
Most of the time, I shake my head and shrug it off, reminding myself" There is no point, no amount of thinking will make things different." But there are times that I find myself smiling or even grinning stupidly to myself. My decisions led me to what I am today and even though circumstances could be better than it is now, I will never change the way I did things."
Never look back, unless its to see how far you've come. The past may be an ugly mess, heck, the present may be an even messier time but *lets pull out the cliche* c'est la Vie. Messier life are more fun anyway. So to every mistake I made, thank you for teaching me a lesson. For every person that came in my life, thank you for helping me grow. For everyone that left, thank you for helping me realise sometime in life I have to just "let it be". For each and everyone that stayed, thank you for staying and I love you all.
Road into my head, just follow the signs
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
21 Mar 2013
All of a sudden, I miss home
Sorry, no picture in this posts, skip it if you please.
Due to the very weak correlation between my family and I, I am never very much a home person. I would be happy to just ring home once a week just to let them know I am well and alive. =) Even so, if I am no longer alive, I doubt my family will notice until 3 weeks later. I am not kidding. So due to the high possibility of a clash every single time I call home, I rather avoid it to the max. I figure I would never include them in my day to day lives, I definitely do not include them in my major decision. I was brought up to be independent, from my family that is. I apologise for sounding like a spoilt brat, but to keep the relationship well and balanced, I had a "I will call you once a week" buffer between us. Communication is strictly via email, whatsapp and facetime, with maximum of an hour chat time. Thats it.
But of late, I start to miss home, Penang is plagued with small, independent cafes which offers bacon, a delicacy that is not easily available elsewhere. While browsing through pictures and reviews, I constantly remind myself that the next time I am visiting the supermarket, I am picking up some bacon. And some strawberries, big fat mutant strawberries. If get to choose, I think I will give up the warm weather for eternal supply of easy bacon. =)
Right about now, I am tired and all stressed out. To add to the mix, my room door doesn't work and I fear that I had to camp out in the kitchen for the night. But, well I called the emergency line and someone fixed my door, no harm no foul. I am just bumped out after this few weeks. I just finished my last paper of the semester and am slightly relaxed. I did hope I remembered more than a thing or two in the mid term question but what's done is done, I am happy with my answers and probably will get what I deserve, a very high marks! Haha. Allow me to ramble abit, question was able stress testing and how firm's vulnerabilities could be tested using that. There are 4 vulnerabilities. I BRIEFLY wrote once, briefly, like if the answer is "its A because A tends to behave differently during XYZ" and I wrote "A". FML really but I hope my lecturer are good in picking my points. And we were asked to give examples. I am not sure about to give examples on the vulnerabilities or example of stressed condition, I am guessing the former is the one my lecturer wants but oh well, its done.
Another thing is, I attended the support class of this particular subject, well you know students, we tend to leave things to the last minute and just ignore everything in out lives just to focus on that ONE tests RIGHT before the exams so no one showed up. Time management guys, time management. Hahaha, abit of humble brag, although Im stressed out, although I am not super genius getting 98 out of 100. I never go crazy fearing I cant finish studying because I always plan way way before, even allowing me to slot in some dinner plans, movie plans, shopping plans and sleep before 10pm the day before.
Back to what I wanted to say, I once said before that my TAs are cute right, I had the chance to talk to the TA today (no pictures, just like my cute imaginary German guy, you just have to imagine but I think this cute imaginary Italian guy is slightly cuter, Italians had dark features and I m more into the Mediterranean look) because we were the only two in class, no one attends. He told me that someone graded him poor teaching assistant, I felt so sorry for him. I have a feeling that a lot of students took education for granted. We are studying Master, you can't just fly by doing nothing and still expect to get a distinction. 30% of the knowledge was taught and 70% is to find it out ourselves. Also the nature of the module is so subjective, there are no right and wrong answer. I am not defending him because he is super cute but its what it is. Academia spent years and years trying to figure a way of why things goes wrong and why during the 90s every financial professional could retire at the age of 45 and why the sudden change of heart that people decided that certain companies or certain stock is not good enough. We are humans, years, decades, centuries, millennium was spent to understand human behaviour, no one can come out with a definite answer why human behaved the way we behaved.
But on the bright side, he mentioned that he was kidding and I got confused about whether he was "graded" poor, he replied that he just wants to start a conversation or he said and I quote "nah, i am just making conversation". I guess he was too bored and no ones wants to talk to him. I learnt that he is extremely young, just a couple of years older than me but he looks like he is 30. Gah, a downside of their genes. The reception from my building thought I was at my first year of university. Wahahahhaha and I can pull it off if I said I am 18. Maybe not to you guys la, you know how old I am and I DID age through this few years. And I learnt that in London, people know more about South East Asia. Lol, he told me his mother and her boyfriend loves South East Asia so much that they visited more than thrice. And he knows Kuala Lumpur and dislikes Bangkok. Am I the one ignorant now or has people suddenly get more knowledgable and Malaysia is making a name on the world's platform. Good for you, Malaysia. However, the age old question of "why do you have Chinese name if you are from malaysia and is Melissa your real name or you gave one to yourself?" I had to explain everytime.
Ok, done. I shall end abruptly to clean my room, shower and watch a movie I just bought off itune because I can't find it anywhere. Damn.
Due to the very weak correlation between my family and I, I am never very much a home person. I would be happy to just ring home once a week just to let them know I am well and alive. =) Even so, if I am no longer alive, I doubt my family will notice until 3 weeks later. I am not kidding. So due to the high possibility of a clash every single time I call home, I rather avoid it to the max. I figure I would never include them in my day to day lives, I definitely do not include them in my major decision. I was brought up to be independent, from my family that is. I apologise for sounding like a spoilt brat, but to keep the relationship well and balanced, I had a "I will call you once a week" buffer between us. Communication is strictly via email, whatsapp and facetime, with maximum of an hour chat time. Thats it.
But of late, I start to miss home, Penang is plagued with small, independent cafes which offers bacon, a delicacy that is not easily available elsewhere. While browsing through pictures and reviews, I constantly remind myself that the next time I am visiting the supermarket, I am picking up some bacon. And some strawberries, big fat mutant strawberries. If get to choose, I think I will give up the warm weather for eternal supply of easy bacon. =)
Right about now, I am tired and all stressed out. To add to the mix, my room door doesn't work and I fear that I had to camp out in the kitchen for the night. But, well I called the emergency line and someone fixed my door, no harm no foul. I am just bumped out after this few weeks. I just finished my last paper of the semester and am slightly relaxed. I did hope I remembered more than a thing or two in the mid term question but what's done is done, I am happy with my answers and probably will get what I deserve, a very high marks! Haha. Allow me to ramble abit, question was able stress testing and how firm's vulnerabilities could be tested using that. There are 4 vulnerabilities. I BRIEFLY wrote once, briefly, like if the answer is "its A because A tends to behave differently during XYZ" and I wrote "A". FML really but I hope my lecturer are good in picking my points. And we were asked to give examples. I am not sure about to give examples on the vulnerabilities or example of stressed condition, I am guessing the former is the one my lecturer wants but oh well, its done.
Another thing is, I attended the support class of this particular subject, well you know students, we tend to leave things to the last minute and just ignore everything in out lives just to focus on that ONE tests RIGHT before the exams so no one showed up. Time management guys, time management. Hahaha, abit of humble brag, although Im stressed out, although I am not super genius getting 98 out of 100. I never go crazy fearing I cant finish studying because I always plan way way before, even allowing me to slot in some dinner plans, movie plans, shopping plans and sleep before 10pm the day before.
Back to what I wanted to say, I once said before that my TAs are cute right, I had the chance to talk to the TA today (no pictures, just like my cute imaginary German guy, you just have to imagine but I think this cute imaginary Italian guy is slightly cuter, Italians had dark features and I m more into the Mediterranean look) because we were the only two in class, no one attends. He told me that someone graded him poor teaching assistant, I felt so sorry for him. I have a feeling that a lot of students took education for granted. We are studying Master, you can't just fly by doing nothing and still expect to get a distinction. 30% of the knowledge was taught and 70% is to find it out ourselves. Also the nature of the module is so subjective, there are no right and wrong answer. I am not defending him because he is super cute but its what it is. Academia spent years and years trying to figure a way of why things goes wrong and why during the 90s every financial professional could retire at the age of 45 and why the sudden change of heart that people decided that certain companies or certain stock is not good enough. We are humans, years, decades, centuries, millennium was spent to understand human behaviour, no one can come out with a definite answer why human behaved the way we behaved.
But on the bright side, he mentioned that he was kidding and I got confused about whether he was "graded" poor, he replied that he just wants to start a conversation or he said and I quote "nah, i am just making conversation". I guess he was too bored and no ones wants to talk to him. I learnt that he is extremely young, just a couple of years older than me but he looks like he is 30. Gah, a downside of their genes. The reception from my building thought I was at my first year of university. Wahahahhaha and I can pull it off if I said I am 18. Maybe not to you guys la, you know how old I am and I DID age through this few years. And I learnt that in London, people know more about South East Asia. Lol, he told me his mother and her boyfriend loves South East Asia so much that they visited more than thrice. And he knows Kuala Lumpur and dislikes Bangkok. Am I the one ignorant now or has people suddenly get more knowledgable and Malaysia is making a name on the world's platform. Good for you, Malaysia. However, the age old question of "why do you have Chinese name if you are from malaysia and is Melissa your real name or you gave one to yourself?" I had to explain everytime.
Ok, done. I shall end abruptly to clean my room, shower and watch a movie I just bought off itune because I can't find it anywhere. Damn.
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