Berlin, You stole what's left of my heart!

Dear BERLIN,

I never thought I would love you the way I do. After deciding that giving my precious heart to a city is perhaps a better idea than giving it to a human being, London had completely stole a better part of my heart. But I bumped Amsterdam to 4th place after I paid you a visit. You are like tartar / Mettbrötchen (raw minced beef on bread roll). I didn't know what I missed until I tried it. One serving is never enough, and the more I am "denied", the more addicted I am to you.

You are so full of flavour. You have the charm of a mature man and the energy of a young man barely out of his teenagehood. While London is the steady mature gentleman that I love, I am a young girl afterall, occasionally looking for excitement that London could not provide. And a self-proclaimed French girl, your French side is just the cherry on top of that delicious cake.

Taking Berlin in is just like having a slice of cheesecake with Gin & Tonic (Gosh, I love G&T); the thick creamy goodness resemble the history and G&T is zesty refreshing, just like the artsy fartsy side of Berlin.

One might think of you as the hipster haven. True, you are slightly too hipster for my liking. No help that for the entire 3 days I stayed at the marvelous Generator Berlin Mitte, wonderfully hipster and wonderfully energetic not to mention smack in the middle of party central. But if you take in all the history going back to World War I then World War II, Berlin is not as young as one perceived. Heck, it is older than my own country.

As a child growing up in a relatively young country, I did not have the luxury or the time to read up on World Wars in a wider scale. Generally history lessons are country-focused and as the first born of a Royal Malaysian Air Force Captain, I was exposed to quite some military stories. It wasn't as interested or as gruesome as some war stories but it was enough to get me interested in the nitty gritty details of wars. Everyone has their side of the story and Berlin, you are no exception.

You have your dark military past and your very colourful future. I fell in love with this marvelous combination because just like life, you are a mixture of important, yet often forgotten, past and bright, promising future. And I fell in love with you, exactly for that reason.

Turn of Events

Life is just a sum of different events. Big or small. We usually forgot the small ones and the big ones are forever etched in our brain and heart.

Small events like the thousands of times we brushed our teeth or the hundred of kilos of gorgonzola I consumed weren't remember. But no matter how many times you say goodbye or lost someone, no one will forgot how daunting the experience felt. You might be immuned to it but its never forgotten, you put it in a vault, locked it up, throw away the key and hope that you would never deal with it again. But I am sure these horrible feelings and memories will have a way of sipping into your mind eventually. 

Today I had to say goodbye to a friend again. She was quite upset. I hate goodbyes, its never pleasant. Its a part of life. I had said more goodbyes in the past year than I did previously. Goodbyes are painful - Putting up a defence system by not getting attached is the easiest way to cope. I've gotten used to it (though just recently). 

This is where turns of events came in. Life is a fascinating matter, when I thought it would go in this direction, suddenly it took a U turn and I landed elsewhere. I never thought of seeing my friend so soon again. But 4 months later, we somehow managed to make it happen. When life gave me a U turn, I embraced it, seized the opportunity and went for it. I got lost, very very lost. J.R.R Tolkien onced said in his books "Not all that wanders are lost". But I'd say "Those that are not lost, most probably did not wander".

Perhaps its just me and getting lost is a bitch. That feeling is indescribable. Its the hardest part of being a grown up. Its extra challenging when there is a rather strict social convention that frown upon those that wanders. But those that wanders had the best stories, those that has the courage to wander would be able to do just about anything. I would suggest everyone to get lost and not stress about it. Things will fall into place.

It is scary, I am not going to lie. Most of the time uncomfortable and not easy. It requires a lot of patience and peseverance, not to forget a very very thick skin. People will doubt you on the way but if you hang in there enough, things will come. Truth be told, I have absolutely no idea where I will end up, what I am going to be in all perspective. Its shit scary and sometimes I can't help but wonder will those "things" ever arrive? What are those "things"? Will I really be happier when it finally does? 

Before we part ways after a short few days, we gave each other a very simple yet meaningful gift. Here is my picture of her holding that gift.