You went too far

Did I?

Sticking to the CHANGE topic. People change. ALL THE TIME. Every decision made make you a different person prior that decision. Every single experience will change you no others will. I recently caught up with an old friend. We spent the night drinking and sharing our own experiences throughout the years. Both of us came to a conclusion, we were both told that we went too far off, because our values differ from those that made the remarks. We were no longer the same person we used to when we were running around in the school's playground. We both were told that we did not follow "The Plan", we decided to divert and that is what separated us with our peers. This is how this came to be....

Initially, I apologised for diverting and I tried to reassure my past that I am still the same girl, just with different values. I still aspire to be happy and the only difference is what makes me happy now are not the same as what makes me happy previously. Slowly, I started to realise that those that are genuinely happy for me will remain, try to understand that everyone has their own way. Undoubtedly, some of my choices and decisions are not convention and expected of, and to some extend, from my personal experience, slightly out of the usual comfort zone. But as long as I did not hurt anyone and myself in the process, these shouldn't matter, right?

Even though it pains me to be separated by our beliefs,  I accepted the horrible reality that not everyone is meant to be in my life. "As life is like a bus ride, some may enter to stay with you throughout the journey, some take off & leave. You know who matter" Words of a wise, Pretty Girl. Those that wants to remain in your life will always make an effort to. The sad truth is, just like how changes will happen in everyone's life, at one point or another, life circumstances force people to change. But on the bright side, I get new chances of getting to know new people all over again.

The best kind of relationship evolves as the two people involved in it evolves together. We are no longer the chubby young kids anymore, why stick to the values that we had when we thought Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory is real? Allow yourself to accept life changes and the very fact that people change. That being said, I am still keeping my "You can't have too much chocolate" belief.

What's important is you are going...

Changes. Daunting isn't it? Human are wired to get used to things, another human being, materials; we are wired to get attached to what's familiar. The sheer thought of changes would make us feel uncomfortable. I know certain changes literally make me want to crawl into bed, under the cover and never want to face reality.

I tend to forget that while changes may seem scary but it will bring positive impact to your life. Perhaps the impact won't be immediate, sometimes not even obvious but it will always turn out to be how it was meant to be. One major problem of CHANGOPHOBIA is human associate change with leaving the comfort zone and that is synonym with bad.

Yes, it is scary and you will get lost at first. So lost that you are not sure what you wanted and everywhere you turn, you don't seem to belong; so lost that your inner peace no longer serve its intended purpose; so lost that you seemed like a spirit, watching your helpless self struggle to make sense of everything. Your heart break into a billion pieces and nothing seem right nor will it be right.

The sad news is everyone went through the same thing one time or another, one change or multiple changes (at the same time) seem like an invisible hand that grab hold of your whole world and shake it like a snow globe. What's different with your life and a snow globe is nothing in your life is glued down. The life as you know it seemed like a dream and that change just bursted your dream bubble.

Now all you are left with is a raw version of yourself. It may come as a shock but the good thing about changes are you get to re-invent yourself, you get to evolve. Change serves as a reset button and what happens after the change is entirely up to you.

So, grab hold of change's horn and make the most out of it. There are days when it gets tough and this is when you have to tell yourself - " Just keep going, you have to keep going, going where? It doesn't matter. What's important is you are going. Eventually it will get better."

I had been stuck in the same rut for the past year, a rut that was initially a change that I welcomed. Even though I took it as a life experience, frankly I doubted myself every single day. I kept asking questions similar to " When is it going to be different?" Things are especially hard when I felt completely useless not contributing to the society that I imagined I would be. One thing that kept me sane is the same mantra I tell myself everyday, I have to keep going; keep doing things that I am passionate about. I write and write, I travelled then I write, I meet new people who are inspiration to my writing. I invested my time online writing this blog and writing offline. I signed up a new language course to widen my language skill and also to improve on my English.

All I need was a change to break the routine. I got my changes. I am now a contributing member of this society. And guess what? Deep down, I don't want things to change. Classic human. Here I am, not happy about the rut I am in but the change that life provided, I am not too thrilled about it either. All because I am too comfortable in my comfortable-sweatpants mode.

Of course I changed into my equally comfortable jeans, accepted the change and say yes to everything. I am now still getting used to the changes but I've learned a lesson, when things are getting slightly routine, it is time to grab hold that snow globe of a life and give it a good shake. Don't forget that the sun has to set for it to rise again.