LOST and Finding

I am looking for a friend that I would like to reconnect with, if you think you might be the friend or you might know that person (chances are very slim, we do not have mutual friends), read on and please comment, I'll get back to you. Thank you very very much and may your joy lives in eternity's sunrise.

I recently decided to organise my decade old MacBook in preparation to get rid of old junk. Not quite sure if that is a good idea or a stupid move. I walked down memory lane and came out crying. It was much more emotional than I thought it would be. 

I cried for the fun, the laughter, the good times, the bad, my naviety and most importantly the goodbyes. They all reminded me how far I've came and grew in this decade. I do have a few regrets but most of them are fond memories with people that I understand aren't in my life anymore(for a reason).

BUT, here is the plot twist, if that is the case here, I won't be writing (at least on here) today. After all, this blog is a brain dump during simpler times. During the mental trip down memory lane via my loud old laptop, there is someone that that keeps coming back. 

Before telling more about this person, I'll say something about my 25 year old self: I remembered that I portrayed myself as the sarcastic carefree woman that I am, I WAS most of the time but I was also putting on a mask, trying to keep cool and act like a bitch that doesn't care (spoiler: I do care, enough to try locating said person 9 years later). 

We met in a transient time of mine, we are from different countries. We know our time together are extremely limited. Long story short, we had a great time together but my mask pushed this person away. You see, when real life caught up, its harder to keep that up. I wanted so much to leave everything to pursue the potential with this person. But the problem is, I don't have anything to leave behind, mentality and physically - in another words: I was super broke, I can't afford to do anything other than get a job to make an honest living and I was not ready mentally. We kept up the contact for about 6 months that slowly fizzles off until one day, this person called me out and pointed out that I was playing games. I don't understand at that time thinking its just life taking over but in hindsight; I probably was and wasn't aware of it. I don't think it was right to give promises that I am unsure if I can keep. So, I did not pursue further to leave space - I severed pretty much all contact, except for Skype. But when I tried logging in Skype again many years later,  Skype was acquired by Microsoft and after a bunch of updates and re-org later, I realised that I lost the contact completely. Hopefully not for good. 

This bring us to present day 9 years later (2023). After giving this a long hard thought, this is my announcement to the outside world, to the universe and Spaghetti Monster. It is an extremely long stretch, I am a realist but I am also hopeful and a believer of "if you never ask, the answer will always be no". So Dear Martian, if you by any chance happen to read this and are comfortable to reach out again, I would be grateful if you do.

You shared this with me those years ago, although I have not practice what I preach, its still one of my favourite piece, an advice that I will carry with me always.

He who binds to himself a joy
Does the winged life destroy
He who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in eternity's sunrise

To the Universe: I realised that my "dreams" do come true, they usually come later than I've expected but they always do. I am grateful for them all, I am hopeful that as long as I keep the hope up, this too will come true sooner or later. I thank you in advance with every being that I can offer.